The Moments of Paul and Percy
by Miss. Poppy May
Summary: A series of drabbles about the moments that Paul and Percy share throughout, before, and after the series. Somewhat OOC.
1. Paul and the TNGVBD

**Disclaimer: Rick Riordan owns all... but his last name. I own that too. **

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><p>Today has to have been the worst day ever. My girlfriend just left me for a math teacher, my students suck, and to top it all off, the English department decided that I would get to teach remedial English… <em>again<em>. But that was next year, and I had a few months before I had to start dealing with that. I was home, my man cave, the bachelor pad. Nothing could possibly go wrong so far away from school and I was looking forward to my well-deserved peace. I had everything a man needed to turn a sucky day into a-okay. Bad karate movies, soda, chips, dip, and some popcorn.

"Yep, this day is going to end on a good note!" I muttered to myself, struggling to unlock the door. I finally managed to get in and started walking towards the kitchen when I realized something. I was ankle-deep in water. And not clean water. It was a weird shade of brown and smelled like sewage.

"What the hell!" I yelped, dropping my things with a splash and grabbing my hair. Most of my things were probably ruined, and my super was totally going to make me pay for the damage. New flooring: expensive. Replacing ruined possessions: also expensive. Movies: a waste of twenty bucks. Groceries: fifteen dollars I will never get back. Cheap Motel: Not worth the cost. Repairs: Holy fuck. My day getting that much worse: priceless.

An hour later I was sitting in my cheap hotel room, afraid to get off the bed due to a sound that sounding suspiciously like rats coming from the behind the bureau. There was no room service and I was stuck listening happy honey honeymooners in the room next to mine until I found the clicker. At this point in time, I was ready to pull the trigger on my figurative gun. The only thing that stopped me from doing so was the promise that I would soon have my apartment back and, for some reason, I was insured against exploding toilets, so I wouldn't have to pay for the damage down on my apartment. Unfortunately though, I wasn't getting my deposit back. Ce la vie. After an hour of searching, I finally found the clicker and turned on the TV. After flipping through the channels, which consisted of static, the news, and something containing unspeakable material, I settled on the news. Lucky for me, there was a super exciting story about some crazy 12 year old who kidnapped his mom and stole his step-dad's car. He was causing destruction across the country and no one could find him or his two friends. I snorted and shook my head. Kids these days. I hope I never met Percy Jackson.

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><p><strong>I know it's short, most of the chapters will be, hence why it's called a drabble. It will be updated daily and I hope you guys like it :)<strong>


	2. Percy Meets the Blowfish

Percy Best The Blowfish

Summary: Paul living the dream, or he was until he met his girlfriend's son. My take on how Paul met Percy.

I'm sorry it took this long to get up! My account wouldn't let me log in, so I'll catch up on the missed days tomorrow.

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><p>I woke up and blinked sleepily. I took in my surroundings and was actually quite startled when I was greeted by a girly bedroom decorated in navy blue and toile. Then I remembered that there was a reason that I wasn't in my star wars themed room. I stretched with a smirk. Yes I, Paul Blofis, got some last night. I chuckled to myself and cuddled back up with Sally. We were getting pretty serious, and after last night, I was sure I would met her son soon. I was pretty scared though, who wouldn't be? Most guys were afraid to met their normal future step child, but this kid wasn't normal. He was pretty much known for being destructive and no schools in New York and the surrounding states wanted to take him in anymore, Percy was <em>that <em>bad. My internal musings were interrupted by Sally, who twisted around to face me.

"Good morning," she said, blushing slightly. I gave her my best charming grin.

"Good morning to you too, beautiful." She laughed at my comment and swatted my shoulder.

"Yeah right," she snorted, "I know I'm a mess right now." I shook my head.

"No really, the morning look really suits you." She was about to comment when I cut her off with a kiss. We were about to continue on the same road we had last night, when the door suddenly banged open to reveal a kid who, despite the fact that it was winter, had a deep tan and was wearing ripped clothes. His Colgate white beam faltered and he looked like the he wanted the ground to swallow him up. I felt the same way.

"Um, I'm home?" He said, as though it was a question. I was too shocked to answer him and Sally was hiding under the covers. He started to rock back and forth on his heels and stuck his hands in his pockets.

"So, this is awkward. I'll be in the kitchen, bleaching my brain, if anyone needs me." Then he ran out of the room, hitting the wall in his hasty escape.

"Is Percy gone?" Sally whispered, poking her head out from underneath the covers. I nodded and stared blankly at the wall, not wanting to believe that just happened. Sally quickly got dressed, and threw my clothes at me.

"Quick, get dressed. We just scarred by poor little baby for life!" She whispered shrieked, and ran out the room. I hastily put clothes on, tripping in the process. When I got to the kitchen, Percy was sitting at the table with his face in his hands, a bottle of bleach in front of him. Sally was trying to talk to him, but he just kept shaking his head. I awkwardly stood in the doorway, not sure what to do. I cleared my throat and Sally looked up, clearly relieved to see me.

"Percy, sweetie, I'm going to run to the store and get stuff to make your favorite breakfast, okay, and you and Paul are going to have a man to man talk," she said soothingly, rubbing his shoulder. He made a weird noise in the back of his throat. Apparently, that meant yes, because Sally raced out of the room, giving me a kiss on the cheek before leaving. I took a deep breath, and then sat down across from Percy.

After five minutes of sitting there, he apparently got over his shock, seeing how he leapt across the table and pinned me against the wall.

"How dare you do that to my mother!" He snarled, and I was actually really scared, despite the fact that he was fourteen and I was a grown man. But this kid was scary. Though he wasn't that tall yet, he had some impressive muscle on him and his scarred arms and hands said that he had a lot of fighting experience. His eyes were the worst though, they looked like the sea in the middle of the storm, a dark, raging blue green that threatened to drown you.

"Your mother is a grown woman and can do whatever she wants." I snapped back. he forced me into the wall further.

"No! She's my mommy, and I'm not sharing! Especially with someone who would do such explicit activities with her!" I stared at him. I would have never pegged him as a momma's boy.

"Sorry?" I said hesitantly, not wanting to make his rage worse and still unsure of what to say. After staring me down, he decided I could live another day and let me go.

"Were you being safe? if you weren't, I'll have to hang you by your thumbs. Also, you better not be stringing her along. If you're not ready for a deep, committed relationship, then leave. Now."

"I love your mother, and I would never do anything to hurt her. I plan on marrying her someday." Percy's gaze softened, but he still stared at me expectantly.

"And..." he prompted I blushed and muttered,

" Yes, we were being safe."

"Good, if I ever walk in on that again, I'm going to kill you, and then maybe myself. Well, see you later, Mr. Blowfish." I crinkled my forehead.

"Where are you going?" I asked, not even correcting him for the name slip.

"To take and shower then to bed."

"Oh well, bye, I guess." He disappeared and I sat down at the table and ran my hand through my hair. That's not exactly how I pictured meeting Percy going.

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><p>So, that was kind of weird to write. But it had to be done, because we all know that Paul and Percy couldn't have met under normal circumstances. I hopped you guys liked it and I'll see you tomorrow :) Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and story alerted this. I feel so special!<p> 


	3. The Secret's Out And The Therapist Is In

**Hey guys! Here's today's update! I want to thank everyone who reads, favorites, alerts and reviews! You're the best!**

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><p>It was one of those rare Saturdays when I was actually alone. Sally was out running errands and Percy was out skate boarding with his friends Travis and Connor. Normally, I would take advantage of the apartment being so quiet and grade stuff, but I had already finished grading all of my papers and I had my lesson plans all set for the rest of the year. I decided that I would clean the apartment, like a good fiancée would do. The only problem was that Sally is a neat freak, so the apartment was virtually spotless. Well, every room but Percy's. I didn't want to seem like I was snooping, because I liked the fact that we got along and Percy kind of scared me. But his room was disgusting. I couldn't even see that floor and it smelled like teenage boy. So, I decided to clean it. Worst decision ever. Percy obviously never did laundry, his hamper was overflowing with laundry and he had dirty socks and boxer briefs shoved in the corners and under the bed. Candy wrappers, chip bags, and soda cans were all around the room and he had a pizza box with a few crust left sitting on his bureau. After getting rid of all the trash and putting his laundry in the wash, I noticed something peeking out of his closet. When I opened it, full Greek battle armor fell out. I gaped at it for a few seconds. What fifteen year old keeps battle armor in his closet? I opened it fully and couldn't believe what I saw. He had a gigantic shield too, the size of a NBA backboard. The there were the weapons. He had javelins, a spear, a dagger, a bow and a quiver full of arrows. They were a weird color, maybe bronze, and seemed to glow. I backed out of the room and shut the door. Someone would have a lot of explaining to do when they got in.<p>

I was sitting on the couch, pretending to read a newspaper, but I was really waiting for Percy. It wasn't like I could just ignore this. He was keeping lethal weapons in his_ closet_. A few minutes later, I heard laughter coming from the hallway, then keys jingling and the door opened. Percy walked in, holding a skateboard and a helmet. He closely followed by his two friends.

"Hey Paul, what's up?" Percy asked, heading towards the kitchen for a drink. I cleared my throat.

"Percy, we need to talk." He came back in to the room, a perplexed expression on his face.

"Okay?" He said, taking a seat on the coach across from me. Connor and Travis grinned.

"Someone's in trouble," they sang, grinning before leaving without another word. Percy glared at the door, like it would actually affect the boys.

"I want to talk about what's in your closet," I said, trying to bring him back into the conversation.

"Closet? I'm not gay. I've had sex. With girls."

"Really?" I was pretty shocked, he was only fifteen and was pretty oblivious when it came to girls. He looked proud. Then I remember that he was in trouble.

"No, that's not what I meant. I was cleaning your room and-"

"You went into my room and snooped through my stuff!" He interrupted, practically steaming. I nodded.

"It was a mess, I was cleaning. But that's not important."

"It is to me." He muttered under his breath, but I ignored him.

"As I was saying, I came across some rather... weird things. Would you like to explain to me why you had full battle armor and weapons? Did you rob a museum?" He snorted.

"No I didn't rob a museum. They're mine."

"Why on earth would you have them?" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I always knew that I would have to tell you, you're marrying my mom, after all." Percy took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Paul , I'm not like other kids. My dad, he's not just named after the Greek god Poseidon, he is the god Poseidon." I stared at him, not sure if he was kidding or if I should call Sally.

"Percy, I'm being serious."

"So am I. I'm a demi-god, Paul. I fight monsters, I do favors for the gods, and I have special abilities." I started laughing.

"Great joke, Percy. But I just want to know why that stuff is in your closet."

"To protect myself." He answered, completely serious.

"Percy, maybe we should call your mom," I said nervously, eyeing the phone.

"Oh, you don't believe me?" He demanded, then whipped out a gold ballpoint point that I always see him with. He looked at me, snapped his fingers, and then uncapped it. Instead of it being a pen, it grew until it was a large, bronze sword. Then he did something I wasn't expecting. Percy stuck it in my chest. I whimpered, expecting pain and death, but nothing happened. He continued to jab it into me, but there were no results. Finally, he stopped.

"Mortals, they aren't important enough to kill. Celestial bronze, like Riptide," he gestured to his sword, "can only harm monster, gods, demi-gods, and furniture." I sighed. Either I was going crazy, or Percy was telling the truth.

"Okay, I believe you," Percy smiled. " To an extent," I added, and his face fell.

"I'll wait until I hear from your mother. Then, we'll talk more." He nodded.

"Fine. Until then, I'm be at the beach. A hippocampi is stuck and needs my help. Tell mom I'll be back later." I waved bye and he left in a spray of ocean mist. I got out my laptop and started googling physiatrists. The way things were looking, Percy and I both clearly needed one.

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><p><strong>I decided that since Nico can shadow travel, Percy should be able to do something cool for transportation, too. His mom can't drive him everywhere. Since part of the ocean is in him, I figured he could turn himself into mist. Pretty far fetched, but he is a demi-god. See you guys tomorrow and I hoped you liked it :)<strong>


	4. The Kinda Sorta Cat Fight

**Hey guys! Sorry I didn't update yesterday, my dad was standing behind me the whole time I was trying to write, and I just can't work under such circumstances. **

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><p>Sally and I were walking up to the apartment after our weekly date. We had just gone to see a really good play about Hercules, and I was eager to get home so that I could ask Percy some questions. After deciding that Percy was actually telling the truth about being a demi-god, I constantly pestered him about the gods. He answered some of my questions, but told me that since I was a mortal, I couldn't know much.<p>

"Mr. and Mrs. Blofis!" A voice called from behind us, turning around I saw that it was Rachel. She was smiling widely, her frizzy red hair held back by a headband.

"Hello, Rachel," Sally said kindly, and gave her a hug. Rachel was Percy's only mortal friend, but everyone but him knew that she liked him as more than that. I waved, I always felt awkward seeing my students outside of school.

"Is Percy home? Or is he out doing super cool demi-god stuff?" Sally laughed.

"I think he's home, he said something about studying." I couldn't help but laugh at the idea of Percy studying. Sure, he tried to, put it usually ended with him banging his head off the nearest surface repeatedly. Sally gave me a withering look while Rachel nodded. We got to the apartment and I opened the door, Sally rushing right in. She hated being away from Percy for long amounts of time. When she got inside, Sally started cooing. Percy was sleeping on the couch, Annabeth cuddled up on top of him. A rather dry documentary about architecture was playing on the TV, though I don't know how Annabeth could hear anything over Percy's snores and mumbling. There was a gigantic wet spot on the pillow from Percy drooling. When Annabeth saw us, she shot a smug look at Rachel.

"Hey guys," she said casually, running a hand through her hair and trying to sit up. Percy made a weird noise and dragged her back down, using her as a teddy bear. Rachel turned bright pink and I was afraid she was about to cry. I was never god with crying girls. That probably why all by previous girlfriends left me for math teachers. Sally had whipped a camera out of nowhere and was snapping pictures like there was no tomorrow. Annabeth and Rachel were glaring at each other, though Annabeth was winning.

"He's mine, you know. Aphrodite has already said so," she said lowly. Rachel snorted.

"Yeah, so what? Aphrodite's blessing didn't seem to matter when Percy was playing house with Calypso. Face it, your gods hold no power here, we're on even footing."

"I wouldn't expect you to understand," Annabeth shook her head sadly. I almost wished that I had popcorn, this was better than any play. "After all, you're just a mortal." Rachel stood there, gaping like a fish. Apparently, mortal was a terrible insult. If that was the case, then I was being verbally abused.

"Now, run along, Sacagawea. Percy and I have a double date tonight, and I don't want you ruining my day." Rachel straightened her shoulders, trying to look dignified. With a quick glare towards Annabeth, she said goodbye to Sally, who was busy trying to save her pillow from the river pouring out of Percy's mouth. Then she grabbed a picture of Annabeth and Percy off the die table. I gave her a weird look.

"It's for my dartboard," she explained, as though it was perfectly normal.

"Ah, okay. Have fun with it," I said, unsure of what else to say. She grinned manically.

"Oh, believe me, I will." The she left, leaving me standing there like an idiot.

A little while later, Percy woke up, yawning and patting down his hair. He smiled at Annabeth and tried to give her a kiss on the cheek. She deflected, pulling away from him.

"You have dried drool on your face, Seaweed Brain," she said in a disgusted tone. He smiled sheepishly and wiped it off.

"All better?" He asked, pursing his lips like a fish. Annabeth huffed.

"I'm still mad at you for sleeping with Calypso and bring Rachel into our group of friends. I hate both of them."The she got up and left to go help Sally bake cookies. Percy winced.

"She's going to kill those cookies," he said sadly, and got up, probably to eat the cookie dough before Annabeth ruined them with her less than stellar baking skills. I couldn't help but feel bad for the kid. It seemed that every girl that liked him was either psycho or mean enough to freeze hell over. And the worst part is, they're probably going to leave him for a math teacher, they always do.

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><p><strong>I realized that last chapter I forgot to mention that by snapping his fingers, Percy was controlling the mist so that Paul could see his sword. This chapter also answers the question of who Percy had his first time with, because Percy definitely didn't spend his whole time on Oygygia gardening with a goddess who had a reputation for giving heroes who stayed there a close relationship while they were with her. Please review and if anyone has an idea for a Paul and Percy adventure, let me know! I'll be more than happy to include it! <strong>


	5. The Wedding: Part I

**Hello everybody! This chapter is dedicated to AuroxTheLander, who requested that I do the wedding. The wedding will be in two parts. The first one (this chapter) will be the wedding ceremony, and the next chapter will be the reception. I didn't get many reviews for the last chapter, so I'm blackmailing you guys. If I get five reviews for this chapter, I'll write about Paul's bachelor party. Now who doesn't'****t want to see that?**

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><p>Sally and I were sitting at the kitchen table, planning our wedding. Though we had been married, it was only at the courthouse, no big ceremony or anything since the war was ending and all. But since western civilization was saved, Sally and I decided that we were going to have a proper wedding. I wanted to have a good, old-fashion Catholic wedding, but Percy said that if we did that, then he couldn't go, seeing as he was a pagan. In the end, Sally and I agreed to get married at a country club by a minister, Percy was still slightly uneasy and hasn't stopped grumbling about it. Sally and Annabeth, who was now Percy's official girlfriend, were chattering on about plans. Technically, Annabeth was playing dictator and planning our whole wedding, but Sally didn't seem to mind. I was ready to just have this whole this done with. Yesterday, Annabeth slapped me for suggesting that the table clothes should be a different color. I honestly don't know how Percy deals with her.<p>

"Alright, now that the décor and everything is out of the way, the only thing left is the guest list and who's going to be in the wedding party," Annabeth said, checking things off of her checklist. She looked at us with her creepy grey eyes.

"First, the groom's side of the family." I gave her a list of people I wanted to come while Annabeth scribbled them down furiously, her tongue peeking out of the corner of her mouth. The she turned to Sally.

"And you?" She asked, her pen ready to write. The kitchen was dead silent. Sally was just staring at the table top, looking embarrassed and a little sad. This was the part I was worried about. Sally didn't have any friends, and everyone in her family, besides Percy, was dead. Annabeth faltered.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Jackson. It was stupid of me to ask," she mumbled, ashamed. I felt so bad for her, that I didn't even bother to tell her about the last name slip. The Percy came racing into the room, limbs flailing and a goofy grin on his face.

"Hey guys! How's the planning going?" He grabbed and apple and hopped up on the kitchen counter, biting into it noisily. Annabeth gave him a weird look.

"Gross, Seaweed Brain. You didn't even wash it." Sally grief was momentarily forgotten while Annabeth lectured Percy on germs. Percy's eyes were glazed over and I'm pretty sure he was just staring down her shirt instead of listening.

"Did you get a new bra?" He blurted out suddenly. Annabeth turned bright red.

"Yeah, yesterday," she muttered, fidgeting with her shirt.

"I like it, red's really your color." Before Annabeth could say anything, Percy turned to his mom. If he commented on her bra, I was going to have a serious conversation with him.

"Now, what has you so upset?" Sally muttered something and Percy's face fell, then lit up again.

"Don't worry mom! You may not have a big family, but we do," he gestured to himself and Annabeth.

"Wait, you guys are related?" I spluttered.

"Yeah, but we're only _second _cousins. And besides, incest runs in my family. But back to the subject. We can invite my family, they love parties! Especially weddings. They haven't been invited to one since before the Trojan War started."

"I wonder why," Annabeth said sarcastically, but she must have agreed with Percy because she started to write again. Sally was tearing up. I guess it meant a lot to her, having people come to her wedding for her and not me. Then it hit me.

"Wait, so the Greek gods are going to be at my wedding?" I was bouncing in my seat. This was my greatest dream. Percy nodded slowly.

"Yeah, who else?" Then I did something no man should ever, and I mean _ever_, do. I gave a high pitched squeal, and then fainted.

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><p>Finally, it was the day of my wedding. I've never been so nervous in my life. I was playing with my bow tie, trying to make sure I looked okay. Percy slapped my hands away, which hurt since he was practically a mutant freak. Unlike me, Percy looked cool and collected. His hair was tamed for once, his curly hair curled and parted. His suit was crisp looking and his bowtie was perfectly tied. He gave me a smile, don't freak out, okay? You and my mom are already married, this is just for fun!" He clapped my shoulder and I almost fell over.<p>

"Yeah, fun," I choked out, my mouth was all dry. He grinned.

"I gotta go. Someone has to walk your bride down the aisle." He walked out the door, giving me a thumbs up before disappearing.

Finally, it was time. I was standing there next to the minister, waiting for Sally. The country club room had been transformed into what looked like an ancient Greek paradise. Sitting in the front row on Sally's side were eighteen people, well gods. I assumed that they were the major gods and their wives. Behind them were a bunch of incredibly attractive teenagers, who I assumed to be the minor gods, behind them were a bunch of teenage girls wearing silver dress and mournful looks on their faces, as if they were attending a funeral and not a wedding. In the last few rows were kids around Percy's age and a man in a wheelchair. Mostly all of them were good looking, and they radiated power. I felt silly, comparing them to my mortal family. Then it started. My two groomsmen walked down the aisle, accompanying Annabeth and Rachel, both wearing pale emerald green dresses. After that my best man walked down the aisle, escorting Sallying publisher who was her maid of honor. The ring bearer, a boy who was suppose to be nine but was muscular and had huge, calloused hands, walked down, smiling widely. My niece, the flower girl, was sprinkling flowers everywhere , smiling like the whole thing was about her. Percy's father then stood up and everyone else followed suit, turning towards the door. Sally entered, Percy holding her arm. She looked so beautiful I could barely breath. She gave me a shy smile and I returned it. Suddenly, I wasn't so nervous anymore. She took my hand and I knew, despite the fact that I was marrying into a mythological family, that everything was going to be perfect.

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><p><strong>I hope everyone liked it and part II will, hopefully, be up tomorrow. Remember to review in order to get your special little prize and I would like to thank everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited, story alerted, and author alerted. It means so much to me!<strong>


	6. The Wedding Part II

**Woo hoo! It's part II of the miraculous wedding! Only one part left. A quick note for this chapter, Aphrodite is a daughter of Poseidon. It's not random, because some myths say that she's Poseidon's daughter, and some say she's Zeus'. Since all accounts agree that Aphrodite came from the sea, I decided to make Poseidon her father, cause that made the most sense. **

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><p>My heart was racing, I could hardly believe what was happening. I, Paul Blofis, was about to meet the Greek gods. Sure, I had already meet Poseidon, but that was under the guise that he was Percy's mortal father. My palms were all sweaty and I had the urge to faint again. They were all sitting there, at my table! Percy walked over there, as if he saw gods every day, which he probably did. He pulled out his mother's chair and she sat down. My parents were there to, glaring suspiciously at the whole table. Suddenly, the most beautiful women in the world jumped up squealing.<p>

"Brother!" She cried happily, grabbing Percy. My jaw dropped. _That_ was Percy's sister? He smiled at her.

"Aphrodite, as lovely as ever." She did look lovely, wearing a pale pink backless dress that flowed to the ground. She smiled, and then gave him a kiss. Right on the lips. My dad did an award winning spit take and my mother choked a little. Percy blushed, but sat down beside her, after refilling her wine cup. She noticed me.

"Oh! You must be the groom! Such a lucky man to have a wife as pretty as Sally. And the ceremony! I cried the whole time," she started tearing up, just at the mention of it. Percy scrambled for his handkerchief and offered it to her with a dopey expression on his face. She accepted it and mopped her eyes, her make-up still perfect. Her mood suddenly changed.

"Hephaestus, be a dear and grab hold my mirror for me, will you?" A huge man who reminded me of Hagrid from Harry Potter just grunted. He was immense with his beard covering most of his face and a misshapen head. Even though he was sitting down, he looked uneven. He pulled a huge mirror out of a bag on the floor. It was gold and covered in precious jewels, about the size of a serving platter. She sat there, fixing her already perfect make-up and fluffing her hair. The women next to her, who looked like Annabeth, made a disgusted noise. She wasn't paying attention to anyone really, her nose was in a book and she was sipping at her wine. Aphrodite glared at her. She opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by a regal looking women around my age.

"Children, this is a wedding. We're in public, and we must keep up appearances. Your acting like animals," she said in a snide tone, glaring at the whole table.

"I'm not your kid, Hera," a man who was typing furiously on his phone said, only glancing up to give her a dirty look. She gasped.

"Why, the impertinence! I am the queen of the house young man!" She shrieked. Then everyone at the table started arguing, loudly. A blonde haired lady was screaming about grains while someone, who I assumed was her daughter, yelled at her to stop. A blonde teenager wasn't paying attention, he was trying to hit on some girl across the room. Poseidon was arguing with two other men and Aphrodite was stuck in an argument between Hephaestus and a man who probably made profession wrestlers cry. A little girl was shouting over all of them, trying to keep the peace, but she was pushed down by Hera. The man who started the whole thing was glaring at his phone, arguing with the antennae. The future Annabeth had just got into what looked like an ugly catfight with Aphrodite. While they were all busy, a man with a big red nose was inching closer to the wine, a maniacal grin on his face. A twelve year old girl slammed a knife down in front of his hand, screaming about restrictions. It was a total shit show. My parents looked like scandalized and Sally looked resigned, like she expected it. Everyone in the room was staring at us and someone even had popcorn. Percy jumped up on the table and whistled, that kid was a true New Yorker.

"Hey! Everyone, it's time to have the first dance!" Everyone fell silent and sat in their seats, fixing hair and smoothing down clothes. It was completely silent until someone by the door gave a loud snort.

"The answer is pi!" They shouted. This guy in a wheelchair just sighed and hit him on the head with a bow. He fell back asleep. Percy nudged me and nodded towards the floor. I shushed and got up, knocking my chair over in the process. This was going to be a long night.

I collapsed onto a chair, panting. Dancing was really taking a lot out of me. Out on the dance floor, everybody was having a good time. Well, everyone but my family. Most of them were sitting down, being total sticks in the mud. The gods and demi-gods were making total fools out of themselves. A bunch of Percy's friends were having a dance battle, and they looked retarded trying to crump. Apollo, the lord of music himself, should have stopped them for ruining his name, but he was busy reciting a haiku he wrote to this girl. She kicked him in the shin and ran away. He limped over to me.

"Hey, what's up, man?" He was grinning despite his rejection.

"Hi. What you say to that girl over there?" I asked casually, fangirling internally.

"I recited a haiku I wrote her. Poor girl must have been so overcome by the greatness of it," he shook his head, "it almost always happens."

"Can I hear it?" I asked, eager to hear the god of poetry recite something. He beamed and I had to shield my eyes. The group of girls dressed in silver groaned and covered their ears.

I am Apollo

The greatest Greek god

Let's make babies

I stared blankly at him, still unsure of what was going on. He stood there, waiting for applause. I gave a hesitant slow clap, just so he didn't kill me. It worked because he gave me a pat on the head before leaving to go find another victim. I let out a sigh of relief, way too soon though. Another god decided to make me their victim. I whirled around, ready to get it over with. Behind me was Ares. Before I could say anything, he punched me in the face. Then casually walked away, like he always did that. The gods were crazy. Zeus made me kiss his shoes and Hades told me when and how I was going to die. Hera gave me a business card for marriage counseling and Hephaestus told me about the horrible mistake I just made, stating that I was going to lose Sally to someone more attractive than me. Demeter lectured me on my lack of grain consumption and Persephone just wouldn't stop complaining about the floor arrangements, and it was apparently my fault. Every time I went to take a sip of wine, Dionysus popped up and knocked it out of my hand, saying, "Pedro, if I can't drink wine, neither can you." Before being dragged away by his wife. Hermes stole my wallet, Athena asked me if I wouldn't mind killing Percy for her, Aphrodite kept following me around, going on and on about the wedding and my love for Sally. The worst though, had to be when Artemis asked me if I could get her one of Percy's shirts, preferably a dirty one. The gods were crazy, no doubt about it. I can't believe I married into this family.

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><p><strong>That's it for today! Part III tomorrow if I can upload it. Also, seeing as I got five reviews for the last chapter, I will be doing Paul's bachelor party. Oh boy, it's going to be crazy! Please review and if you have any Paul moments you want to see, I'm open to requests!<strong>


	7. The Wedding: Part III

**It's the last part of the wedding! A little side note about Artemis wanting Percy's shirt. I just put it in there because I couldn't really think of anything that she would do to Paul that was kind of funny, and because I like the ship Percy and Artemis. Not in the way that other people do, I think that if they ever got together (hint: this ship will be a small part of a future story) it would be more of a relationship that you would see in kindergarten. The farthest they would ever go is a hug, and that's if Artemis is feeling dirty. It's not totally random, because in the myths it's said that Orion (a son of Poseidon like Percy) was the only man Artemis cuold stand, and that she had romantic feeling for him. I feel bad for wasting everyone's time with and obnoxiously long authors note in the beginning, so feel free not to read it. **

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><p>The night was almost over, but before I got to go on my honeymoon, there was one thing left. Speeches. Now, as an English teacher, I usually love speeches. But Percy was going to make a speech, and his attention span is nonexistent. That and his family might want to make a speech or two, and that won't end well. My family already wants to disown me and they haven't even really been exposed to them yet. Percy then stood up and started hitting his wine glass with a fork. He hit it a little too hard and it broke, sending glass and wine all over him and the floor. He blinked, then shrugged, setting the glass stem down. He grabbed the microphone and held it really close to his mouth, causing it to make that horrible noise. Everyone winced and he tapped it a few times. Percy grinned happily and then began.<p>

"Hello everybody! I would like to thank you all for coming to see my mom marry Paul. He's really lucky. I wish I had some really funny stories that I could tell you about the two of them, but to be honest, I don't know what they're talking about half the time. It's like I'm at one of those fancy rich people banquets and some snob's telling a joke that's not funny, and confusing. I would just like to say- is that a butterfly?" He broke off from his speech and stared out the window, trying to find the butterfly. Demi-gods must love butterflies, because everyone from his camp was completely silent, scouting for the butterfly. The someone shouted,

"There it is! Get it!" Percy and a bunch of the kids jumped up and ran out of the room, chasing after it. Only a bunch of serious looking kids were left, shaking their heads. Chiron sighed, and left to go get them. We all sat there awkwardly, not sure what to do next. My brother came to the rescue and grabbed the microphone off the ground and started going on and on about life. I sighed in relief in slumped down. As long as my family hogged the spotlight, those Olympians were never getting on that stage.

My family made such nice speeches, and the only interruptions were from the demi-gods, who couldn't sit still long. They kept on shuffling, playing with weapons, and trying to inconspicuously hurt each other. After my uncle sat down, everyone assumed that the toasts would be over. Then, twelve gods all ran towards the stage at the same time, and started fighting over the microphone.

"I'm the prettiest!" Aphrodite yelled shrilly, knocking Athena unconscious.

"Yeah? Well, I'm the goddess of marriage, now give it!" Hera snapped, yanking it from her and pushing her off the stage.

"And I'm the king, so move it, honey," Zeus grabbed it and sent her hurtling towards Hephaestus and they both went down. In the midst of all the chaos, Poseidon grabbed it from an unsuspecting Hermes, who was trying to rip off Ares leg.

"I'm going to make a toast, because I'm the one who almost married Sally first!" He boomed. Sally blushed and covered her eyes. HE had everyone's attention.

"I remember when I first met Sally. We were on the beach and she was wearing the most revealingly one piece covered by a sun wrap. She was shining in the sun, and looked like a gift. So, naturally, I introduced myself. I was the most magnificent person she had ever seen, and we hit it off at once. It was the greatest month of my life, and her's, too. We had deep discussions and romantic dates. We spent so many nights together, it's practically impossible to say when our son was conceived. I think it was that day we spent exploring that hidden cave during low-time, but there are so many that's I could be wrong." Sally was so red I thought she was going to explode and Percy had his fingers in his ears and as was singing "Mary Had A Little Lamb." My family looked shocked and Aphrodite had tears streaking down her face, like this was the most romantic thing she had ever heard.

"When we found out she was expecting Percy, I was ecstatic! I immediately told her to come live with me, that I would build her a castle and we could continue our forbidden romance, hidden away from by brothers, where she and our child could be safe. Alas, she refused. My offer was too grand, she didn't want handouts. That, and because I was already married and had kids. But I don't really like them, so I'm not sure why it matters. So a toast, may Sally and Paul have a happy marriage, and that he will give her everything that I can't." Aphrodite was bawling loudly at this point and Sally was crying too. Zeus and Hades looked a little guilty, and his wife looked pissed. She marched up to him and grabbed his ear. She yanked on it and started dragging him a way, screaming the whole time. Apollo smiled and ran up. He cleared his throat.

"A little poem, for the newlyweds!" He proposed. Everyone protested and Dionysus dragged him off the stage, kicking and screaming like a five year old.

"My family everyone!" Percy announced like the wedding was a circus, which it was. My family politely clapped, the looks on their face clearly said "I want to leave." Annabeth announced that it was time to for me to take Sally's garter. She did not look too happy that her perfectly planned wedding was ruined. I tried to ignore the feel of Percy and Poseidon's glares the whole time my head was up Sally's dress, but they were burning holes into my skull. When I finally got it, I felt around my head, just to make sure that it was still whole. I turned around, and the it behind me.

"Ew, gross! I caught it!" Percy wined, holding the garter far away from him by his thumb and forefinger. Annabeth smiled, clearly pleased. I bet she thought she was going to catch the bouquet. Sally threw it and every girl who wasn't married fought for it, Annabeth was ripping some girl's hair out and someone was sobbing about a broken nail. Finally, someone shouted,

"Yes! I got it!" Annabeth whipped around and saw a tall Asian girl holding it triumphantly in the air. It was a bad move, because everyone attacked her for it. Shouting and I'm pretty sure I heard a war cry.

"Drew, give it to me!"

"I want Percy up my dress!"

"I actually spoke with him when he was twelve and scrawny, so give it!" Annabeth immerged, a triumphant smirk on her flushed face. She was panting and her dress was ripped, her hair falling out. She was holding her high heel out in front of her.

"He's my boyfriend," she said possessively. The she swung around and faced Percy, who backed up a little. She just smiled though.

"Um. You know I have to look up your dress to put that one, right?" Was all he said. Annabeth looked shocked.

"I didn't think about that." She made tried to make Percy put it on her arm, but everyone argued that it had to go on her leg. Finally, she let him, but he couldn't look or go under her dress. Every few seconds she would kick him, and he would wince and mumble a quick sorry before trying again. It took forever before it was finally done and everyone cheered. I checked my watch and did a little fist pump. It was time to go. I was taking Sally on a two-week cruise in the Bahamas for our honeymoon, and I was happy to get away from the giant mess that is always there when Percy's around. Percy came up to us, grinning, his arm slung around Annabeth's shoulder.

"Hey, guys. Meet you back at the apartment?" He asked casually. Sally bit her lip.

"Percy sweetie, Paul and I are going on our honeymoon." He just stared at her.

"Oh, for like, the night, right?" She glanced at me.

"Um, no. For two weeks.

"Two weeks?" His voice went high. "But, you're not, going to be far, right?"

"Well, the Bahamas aren't that close." I muttered.

"You're going to be out of the country for two weeks!"

"Isn't not going to be that bad. I'll call you every hour, if you'd like." Sally rubbed his arm.

"Actually, we can't use phones on the cruise ships. No service." I said nervously. Percy eyes got all wet.

"Who's going to take care of me? I don't know how to cook, clean or do laundry, I'm a man!" Annabeth scoffed.

"That's so sexist. And you're a sixteen year old demi-god, you can take care of yourself." Percy was hugging Sally tightly.

"Please, don't go. Can't you just wait until I go to camp to have your honeymoon? I don't mean to be selfish, but I hardly ever see you." Sally looked at me pleadingly. I shook my head.

"I'll be home soon, Percy." Thalia and Nico popped up behind him.

"We'll spend it together, Percy. It'll be fun! Cousin bonding and all that crap." Thalia said, pinching his shoulder.

"But you're a huntress. Which means you can't spend time with boys, or leave the hunt." Nico said, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Lady Artemis said it's fine. I just have to bring her back something."

"Really? What?" Percy asked, in a better mood now that he wasn't going to be alone. She turned bright red.

"Don't ask," she muttered, and stalked off. Nico shrugged, and left to go find more cake. I looked at Sally.

"Well, let's go."

It was a nice send off. Everyone threw flower petals because throws rice is not only a "waste of grain"  
>like Demeter said, but also because it kills the pigeons. Percy tried to throw them harder than necessary at me, but you can't do much damage with flowers. Then we climbed into the car, and sped off, eager to get away.<p>

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><p><strong>Aw! They're finally married and away from all the crazies! Next is Paul's bachelor party! Please review and if you have any moment you want to see, request them!<strong>


	8. The Bachelor Party

**Hello magical earthlings! This has to be the longest chapter ever written, even though I don't think it's as funny as it could have been. But, I was desperate to get it out so that you guys wouldn't have to go two days without an update. Here it is, Paul's disastrous Bachelor Party. Warning: It contains root beer, which, as Rick Riordan pointed out, is very dangerous.**

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><p>I was looking in the hall mirror, trying to smooth back my hair. I glanced at my watch. 7:30.<p>

"Percy, let's go!" I called. In a few days, I was finally having my wedding ceremony. Since I was already technically married that to a trip to the court house, I didn't think a bachelor party would be necessary. Apparently, it was. All my guy friends, family members, and male teacher acquaintances said that it was a rite of passage; that I had to do it. Even Sally wanted me to have one. In the end, I gave into the peer pressure. That's why tonight, when I could be at home watching a movie with Sally or watching Percy, which was usually more exciting, I was stuck going out. On the bright side, Percy was coming with me for father-son bonding, so something exciting would probably happen. The kid doesn't lead a dull life, that's for sure. Percy came bounding out of the bathroom, his toothbrush hanging halfway out of his mouth and a hairbrush stuck in his hair. He was hoping around on one foot, attempting to try his shoe.

"I'm hurrying. Five minutes," he mumbled around his toothbrush, getting foamy spit all over himself. I internally sighed.

"Okay, and change your shirt, you got stuff all over it." He made a weird noise in hopped back into the bathroom. I shook my head, and when back to doing my hair. The expiration date on the gel caught my eye. So that's why it wasn't working.

An hour later, Percy and I were in my Prius, listening to the dulcet tones of Vince Giordano. I was humming along merrily, while Percy was slumped in the passenger seat, looking out the window with a gloomy expression on his face. He turned to me.

"Paul, remember the last time we drove together?"

"Yes," I said slowly, not quite sure what he was getting at.

"Remember what I said?" He prompted. I thought about it.

"Something about monsters?" I guessed. He sighed threw his nose.

"No, but you're close." I thought about it for a little while.

"Ah! The music! You wanted to switch off turns for the radio. How is that closely related to monsters?" I asked, while he grinned and put on of his CDs in.

"Lots. One example being that they use it to torture young demi-gods before eating them." I gave him a wry look.

"You're so funny. "

"No, Paul. I'm dead serious. It's happened before. The poor kid was never the same again." The he pressed play and Skittle or whatever that rapper's name was started blaring through my speakers, probably breaking them in the process with all of his swear words and accents. I sighed and shook my head. The youth of today, and they're the ones who are embarrassed that their parents still listen to Elvis.

I pulled into the parking lot by my favorite pub, the Snuggly Duckling. Percy was staring at the sign, his mouth hanging open a bit.

"Paul? Please tell me that we're not going in there," he said, nervously staring at it.

"Yeah, it's a great place." At least, I think it is, it's been a while. I voiced that thought out loud and Percy stared at me.

"Paul, do you know what it's like in there nowadays?" I shook my head. He made a weird whimpering noise and got out, muttering something about party ponies and root beer. Walking in, I saw that the Snuggly Duckling was nothing like it had been in my college days. No longer was it full of Shakespearian actors and classical art lovers, but with ruffians, thugs, and men in wheelchairs! Well, the last part wasn't so bad, but those men in wheelchairs were dressed in sports jerseys and wearing weird accessories that you would only find in a joke shop. They were obviously drunk, and in the possession of paintballs guns, water guns, and what looked like bows and arrows, but the mist was concealing anything god-related from my eyes, so I couldn't be quite sure. All my friends and brothers were sitting at a large table in the corner. Percy and I joined them, saying hello and taking off our jackets. My friend, Rick, gave Percy a weird look.

"Aren't you a little young to be here?" He asked, and everyone else started to laugh, even though it wasn't funny. The vein above Percy's left eyebrow became a little more prominent.

"No, actually. In my family, drinking at a young age is perfectly acceptable." He said curtly. Percy never really liked my friends. He thought it was weird that someone as nice as me would hang out with such jerks, but they were nice guys really.

"I highly doubt that Sally lets you drink anything besides what she puts in your sippy cup." My brother said.

"Actually, I was talking about my dad's side of the family." That shut everyone at the table up. No one ever heard about Percy's dad, let alone his side of the family. My friend Mark looked at him curiously.

"I thought your father abandoned you?"

"I'm my father's favorite, thank you very much. And I've met him loads of times," he said with and air that clearly closed the discussion, muttering a quick," for a demi-god," under his breath before studying the menu. Beers were ordered for everyone, even Percy, but he looked at it and then looked at me, a horrified expression on his face.

"Am I really expected to drink this? I'm a hero, for the gods sake, how am I suppose to stay in tip top shape if I'm guzzling down alcoholic beverages full of empty calories?"

"I thought you said you could drink," I asked, wondering what the big deal was. Even though I was happy that he was turning it down, I knew that demigods didn't live by the same rules as mortal teenagers. That, and I had seen him eat fast-food before, so health couldn't have been that big of an issue.

"Yeah, wine! But demi-gods have an extremely high tolerance for it, seeing as it's not the Olympus brand. Plus, Chiron would get mad. I'm not allowed to drink unless I'm at camp or some other godly place," he explained, ordering a coke from a passing waitress. She winked at him, and ruffled his hair. When she came back with his drink, her dress was pulled down considerably lower and she bent down really low to give Percy his drink. While the rest of the table appreciated it, Percy didn't. If anything, he looked confused, but that was nothing new. After she left, Percy was studying his ice cubes.

"Percy, what are you doing?" I asked, because the father son bonding moment was quickly turning into Paul and friends time. He looked at me.

"I think she carved her number into my ice cubes, but I can't tell if it's numbers or the word hippopotamus." I took a close look at his ice cubes and saw that it was, in fact, the waitress' number and not the word hippopotamus. I told him and he just shrugged, like it happened all the time. It probably did.

"Weird. Why are girls always giving me their numbers? Weren't they ever taught about stranger danger and all that jazz?" I just looked at him. For such a smart kid, he really didn't people to spell stuff out for him. Usually, it was Annabeth, who rarely ever did it in a nice manner. But I'm nice, so I'll just pretend that he's right and save him some public humiliation. A gave him a "what are you going to do?" look and started catching up with my friends. The scary guys in the wheelchair were staring at the table with unbelieving eyes, and I was getting uncomfortable.

"Dudes! It's Percy Jackson!" One shouted, and they all wheeled over like Percy was some kind of celebrity. Percy looked up from his soda, which he had been busily blowing bubbles in for the past half an hour.

"Hey guys! What's up?" He said, like he had known them forever. They started mobbing him with praise and attention, and starting recapping what I guess was the battle of Manhattan.

"- and he was like, 'whoa little dude! You're too awesome for me to handle! I can't take it anymore!' then he exploded!" One said, then head butted his friend. Percy was blushing.

"Aw, come on, guys, it was nothing." They immediately started protesting and then turned to me. I gulped.

"So, what are you here for?"

"Not sports, he's to flabby." One guy with a beard that was dyed to look like the symbol of the New York Giants said, holding up my arm and slapping it. I pulled it away, huffing.

"Here's here for his bachelor party!" Someone whooped, and I made a mental bet that it was Colin. They all stared at me.

"Dude, you're doing it all wrong. Where's the music, the hardcore drinks, the strippers?" I looked at them.

"No, no, no. This is like, a quite bachelor party," I said nervously, watching the cogs in everyone's brains start to turn. Well, not Percy's, but I was used to him not really thinking so I wasn't surprised.

"There's no such thing as a quite party, especially one when you are sending off your fellow brethren into the cold, dark world of marriage."

"Hey! That's my mom you're talking about!" Percy was ignored. One of the guys whistled and everyone in the whole pub looked over.

"Now, listen up! It's Brian's-"

"Paul," I muttered hastily.

"I mean it's Paul's bachelor party tonight! And you know what that means! Time to bring in the party!" The sports turned off and loud music started playing. One guy went off to go search for strippers, I hope he wasn't serious, and another went to go get what he called "the hard stuff." The weird thing was though, he didn't come back with vodka or gin or anything like that. He came back with root beer. Lots and lots of root beer.

"I'm on top of the world!" I shouted, flinging ones around like there was no tomorrow.

"Paul! They couldn't find any strippers, so why are you throwing ones?" Percy asked, clearly confused.

"Yeah there are! Right there!" I slurred, pointing to a little stage in the corner.

"Paul, that's a sleeping drunk guy."  
>"A rich, sleeping drunk guy," I corrected.<p>

"No, I'm pretty sure you're throwing monopoly money." I made a face at him.

"Come on, Percy. Live a little." I slurred, grabbing for more root beer. He grabbed the cup away from me.

"Paul, do you know what you've been drinking?" I shook my head, trying to grab my drink back. "This is root beer from the 1700's!"

"Did they even make root beer back then?" I asked.

"No! Do you know what that means?" He was practically hysterical now. I shook my head again, a dopey smile on my face.

"It's special root beer from before the centaurs leaked the recipe to the rest of the world! Before they perfected the recipe! It's like alcohol and drugs, all mixed up into one deliciously foamy drink!" I stared at him.

"So there are centaurs at my bachelor party, but not strippers?" Percy smacked me. "Ow!" I whined, cradling my face.

"Come on, get yourself together. The Paul I know would never do this."

"The Paul you know has no clue what's going on," I answered, trying to get up. I fell down, and started laughing. And crying. I felt like a teenage girl. He sighed, then picked me up like I weighed nothing. He threw me in the car and buckled me in.

"You can't drive, you've never passed your test!" I was sobering up a bit now, a weird thing considering I had only drunken root beer.

"So, I drive all the time when you and mom aren't around. I have been since I was twelve."

"Seriously?"

"Of course! I had to escape monsters then, too. I've gotten unbelievably good at hotwiring cars." I stared at him, then decided it would be best if I just passed out instead of responding. I had a feeling I wasn't going to remember anything about this night.

**I'll see you guys tomorrow with another update! I want to thank anyone who has ever read, review, favorited, story alerted, and authored alerted. You guys are the best! You should continue to review though, because I like those best and they increase your chances of a funnier chapter. **


	9. The School Year

**Okay, so this isn't my best work, but it's 2:00 in the morning and I'm running out of ideas.**

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><p>This school year was not going as planned. First of all, Percy wasn't kicked out, which was a big shocker. Secondly, he wasn't alone. I had spent the year dealing with the antics of not just one demi-god, but three. Percy's friends, the Stoll brothers, had enrolled in Goode High School, despite the fact that they usually never left camp. They had decided that they would spend the year with their mother, so now I was stuck with them. Let's just say I have the highest respect for whoever has dealt with them until now, because it has not been easy. Percy was bad enough, with all the monsters that attacked him, but now there were more. Percy, Connor, and Travis were constantly missing classes to fight monsters and go on little mini quests for their parents. They all had ADHD and Dyslexia, so school was hard for them. They couldn't sit still in class and their grades were straight D's. Connor and Travis were always stealing and playing pranks, and all Percy did was sleep or help them. They even had their own seats in detention. I tried to talk to Sally about it, but she felt bad for them, saying that demi-gods weren't suppose to be in school. I was ready to bring in a higher power, whether it was the superintendent or the big guys up in the sky.<p>

"Alright guys, we're watching a movie today!" I said, rolling in the ancient TV. Everyone cheered. "About Ancient Greece!" I added. Everyone's faces fell but Percy's and the Stoll's. They high fived each other and grinned. While the rest of the class got ready to suffer, they formed a little group in the back corner. I knew making them pay attention was pointless, not just because they wouldn't listen to me, but because they were experts. So I just left them alone, checking to see if they were still there every few minutes. Halfway through the movie, I did my routine check and then froze. They were gone. I looked at the class. Most of them were asleep and the rest were almost there, so I slipped out of the room. I ran around frantically trying to find them, checking every last nook and cranny. When I was just about to give up, I heard a boom come from the east corridor followed by screams. I groaned, knowing that only three people could cause that and followed the noise. I ran towards the sound and skid to a halt when I saw what was going on. The water sprinklers were beating down on everyone and teachers were evacuating students. Percy, Travis, and Connor were just standing there, holding swords, their eyebrows and hair smoking. Travis and Connor were grinning, and Percy was looking around frantically for an escape.

"Percy!" I shouted, hearing sirens in the distance. All three of them looked up, alarmed. They saw me, heard the sirens, and ran. I considered chasing after them, but they were really in shape, so they were gone by the time I decided what to do. I swore, stamping my foot. It wasn't looking to good for them. Not only was the building partially on fire, but the walls were shredded and the water fountain was broken. A whole wall had collapsed and golden dust covered the ground. A student was frantically telling a police officer what she had seen. Judging by the look on the officer's face, it wasn't looking too good for Percy. Someone tapped my shoulder and I jumped. It was the Principal and he did not look happy.

I was sitting in the office with a distraught Sally and a women who I guess was the Stoll's mom. A few police officers were standing there and Headmaster Ralph was trying to explain what had happened. The girl claimed to have seen Percy and company kill a group of janitors, causing major school destruction in the process. Oddly enough, everyone seemed more concerned about the destruction than the death of five men. He was telling us what would happen if the boys didn't give themselves up when someone knocked on the door.

"We're busy!" Ralph snapped, his face turning red. A short, chubby man who faintly resembled Percy strode in, glaring at him.

"And so was I before my card game was so rudely interrupted by those brats!" He snapped back, taking the Ralph's seat from him and a donut from one of the cops.

"You, go fetch me a coke," he said, waving the protesting cops away. I was trying to remember where I had seen him before when a man in a wheel chair rolled in. Percy, Connor and Travis walking behind him with sheepish looks on their faces. Sally jumped up and started smothering Percy in hugs and kisses while the Stoll's mother hit them repeatedly with her purse.

"Mr. D, this is a very pressing matter. Our card game can wait." The man in the wheel chair said, taking Mr. D's donut from him. A mental light bulb went off in my head. Mr. D was Dionysus, Percy's insane cousin and camp consular. He had spent the whole wedding being a whiney brat., so I thankfully didn't interact with him much.

"Chiron, tell them it wasn't our fault!" The Stoll's begged, shielding themselves from their mother's purse. Chiron nodded and looked at us all. The room got very misty all of a sudden, but it shimmered and sparkled and was kind of purple. Everyone's faces but Sally's went blank, and Chiron started talking about how the boys were only delivering a message for me, when the janitors' equipment went crazy and started destroying the building. The boys tried to help, but it was no use, the building was already destroyed by the time they fixed everything. Guilty, the janitors ran off, framing them. By now, I was nodding my head, agreeing with everything he said.

"Well, that's a plausible story," Ralph said, rubbing his double chin like it made him look smart. "But these boys have caused way to much trouble here in the past. I'm afraid I can't have my students at risk. Perseus, Travis, and Connor will have to be expelled." Sally, the Stoll's mom, and I immediately started to protest. Mr. D was cackling and clapping his hands, like it was the best news he had ever heard. Chiron just nodded his head and the boys looked resigned.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. Sally, Hilda, seeing as the boys have no school to go to as they have just been kicked out, would you mind if they came back to camp with me? It's almost winter break, after all, and I'm sure that by the time it's over you'll have enrolled them somewhere else." Chiron said. Sally nodded and the Stoll's snorted.

"School's not for us. I think we'd be better off at camp," Travis said, Connor nodding along. Hilda looked relieved, like she could only handle her children for so long. I didn't blame her. Connor, or maybe Travis, grabbed Mr. D in a hug.

"You're never gonna get rid of us, Mr. D," he said cheerfully. Mr. D looked horrified at the thought and looked at them like they just killed his puppy.

"No way am I going to deal with you hooligans! I thought I was finally free of you, Pedro, and Tim, this isn't happening," he said firmly, and before any of them could open their mouths to protest, three shrubs were sitting on the ground. Mr. D nodded and Chiron looked horrified.

"Good. Now they can't talk." Seeing the look on Chiron's face, he sighed. "I'll change them back tomorrow," He grumbled. Chiron nodded, like he saw kids get turned into plants everyday and picked them up, setting them on his lap.

"Very well. Sally, Hilda, would you please send stuff for the boys? It was very nice seeing you all." Then they left, leaving us all standing there wondering what was going on.

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><p><strong>Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted, and read! I'm open to requests if anyone has any!<strong>


	10. The Blowfish Parents Come To Visit

**Yay! An update! This chapter is for Loves To Read Books who suggested that Percy and Paul's parents meet. Part of this chapter was also inspired by a pictured drawn by Burdge Bug who is a great artist and I love her Percy Jackson fan art. I'll post a link for it, I can't get sued for that or anything, right? This takes place right before the Lost Hero, it's the day before Percy and Annabeth go to camp and before Percy got kidnapped. **

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><p>"Mom! Dad! How nice to see you!" I said, hugging them both. Winter break was about to start and my parents decided that they were going to stay with us for the holidays, which was fine with me. Sally, of course, was freaking out. My parents were extremely hard to please and my mother acted like the stereotypical mother-in-law; mean and nasty. Other than that though, she was quite pleasant.<p>

"Paul, sweetheart! I haven't seen you since your wedding a few months ago! You've gotten chubby," she said, patting under my chin. I gaped at her.

"No I am not!" I cried, discretely looking at myself in the car mirror. She completely ignored me.

"And your hair! You have a family now, Paul. You can't have the same haircut you had as a teenager." She continued to nag me the whole drive to the apartment. I wanted to bash my face against the steering wheel. I knew there was a reason that I left Vermont for New York. If I had to hear her say one more thing, I was going to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.

"We're here!" I shouted, cutting here off. I think I heard my dad mutter a finally. My mother got out of the car and started walking towards the building, like she was on a mission rather than just visiting her son and his family. I grabbed some luggage and followed her, not wanting Sally to have to deal with my mom on her own. By the time I got up, I was panting and sweating despite the cold air.

"You need to get more exercise," was all she said. We practically ran past the doorman who gave me a knowing look. Finally, we got to the elevator and I all but collapsed against the wall, trying to caught my breath. I hit the button for our floor and tried to ignore the disdainful look my mother was sending my way. Luckily, no one else got on the elevator and soon the elevator doors opened with a ding. Though my mom had never visited, she knew where to go and started ringing the doorbell furiously. Sally swung open the door and looked surprised, like she wasn't really expecting to see us.

"Muriel, it's so nice to see you!" Sally said, trying to sound upbeat and happy, but her voice was shaking and she looked nervous. She was wearing a really pretty sweater dress and make up, which was weird seeing as she wasn't going anywhere. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and went to grab a bag, but my mother stopped her.

"No, no, Sally. Paul's a man, he can handle bags," she said, and to prove her point shoved her coat in my face. "Come Sally dear, I would like a tour of the apartment." She grabbed Sally's arm and started dragging her away from the door, Sally gave me a look that screamed help me before disappearing from my sight. My dad came up, hauling in most of the bags. He dropped them in the middle of the living room with a grunt.

"Where's your wife?" He asked, glancing around the room.

"She's giving Mom a tour," I answered. He just looked at me.

"How do you give a tour of an apartment?" I just shrugged. Mom would probably find a way.

"You don't. Paul, why do you live in an apartment?" My mom whined. Sally came in behind her and looked like she was about to cry.

"This is New York, it's full on apartments, not houses." She gave a distasteful sniff.

"You should move back to Vermont. Get a nice house with a big yard. Speaking of which, the house across the street from ours is on sale! And, conveniently, they need a new English teacher at the high school," she said cheerfully. Sally paled at the thought and my father gave me a look that screamed don't do it!

"Sorry, but I really love New York and besides, we have Percy to think of," I said reasonably.

"Fine, I can see that you're still in your rebellious stage. We'll talk about it later. Now, where will I be sleeping? I'm guessing you don't have any hidden guest rooms." Sally flushed pink.

"My son, Percy, is going away for vacation, so you'll be staying in his room." My mother looked outraged.

"He's leaving for Christmas? But that's a time for family! Besides, I haven't even met the boy yet!"

"Percy doesn't celebrate Christmas, he's… something else that's not Christian," I said awkwardly. I couldn't say that Percy was a demi-god, therefore he worshipped the ancient Greek gods, and I didn't exactly know what to call that to make it seem normal. My parents probably thought he was Jewish or something, and accepted the answer.

"Percy's not leaving until tomorrow though, so you'll still get to met him. Won't that be lovely?" Sally said, clapping her hands together. I fought the urge to snort. It wasn't going to be too lovely for Percy, that's for sure.

"Where is he, then? I need to make sure Paul is trying to be the father figure he needs." Of course she did.

"Percy's father, he's still in the picture, so I'm more like a friend," I explained. "He's probably in his bedroom," I said, looking towards Sally who confirmed that with a nod. I grabbed most of my parent's bags and started walking towards Percy's room.

The normally short trip to Percy's bedroom was taking much longer than it should have not only because of all the bags, but because everyone was really quiet, and that tends to make time go by slower. It was so quiet, that as we got closer to Percy's bedroom, we could hear soft voices from behind the door.

"-we'll be at camp soon, Seaweed Brain. Do you know what that means?" a girly voice whispered. Percy gave a lazy "Mmm" in response.

"It means that we'll be all alone. No interruptions, no parents, and basically no supervision. Just me, you, and your empty cabin." I was going to knock on the door, just to let them know that they needed to stop whatever they were doing, and get presentable. My mother, however, had other ideas. She just opened the door and I was met by something I never want to see again. Percy was lying down on his bed, the one that my parents were going to have to sleep on, shirtless with his pants unbuttoned and Annabeth wearing nothing but a tank top and underwear on top of him. Judging by the look on his face and the position they were in, I highly doubt that they were playing monopoly.

"Perseus Menelaus Jackson!" Sally shouted. Percy and Annabeth froze. Annabeth tried to scramble off of him, but he held her down.

"Let me up!" She hissed.

"No, I can't! That's my mom!" He argued, trying to keep her firmly on his lap. Annabeth managed to scramble out of his grasp and put on a pair of his sweatpants that were lying on the floor. Percy had covered his problem using a pillow and looked at all of us in horror.

"Annabeth was helping me clean," he said stupidly, making no move to put a shirt on. Annabeth groaned and smacked her face into her palm.

"Really, Percy? Cleaning?" She said incredulously, like it was the worst excuse ever. He just shrugged.

"Well, we were cleaning," he argued, gesturing to the room which was actually sparkling clean. It was so clean, I actually got to see the carpet for the first time since were started renting. My mother took the silence as her cue to start ranting.

"This is an outrage! That is not proper young lady behavior! And you young man! Are you that stupid that you didn't hear us?" Percy said yes while Annabeth stared at my mother, her face going from an embarrassed red to an angry red.

"This is the twenty first century, you old hag! I'm allowed to do whatever I want with my boyfriend, and I'm the only one who can insult his intelligence, so I suggest that you go back to the crypt you came from before I send you a one way trip to Hades!" She screamed, glaring at my mother and looking for what I assumed was her dagger. Sally walked in and put an arm around her shoulder.

"Calm down, dear. Why don't you and I go into the kitchen and have a little chat while Paul gets his parents settled in?" Annabeth nodded and went with Sally, apologizing the whole way to the kitchen. My mother glared at Percy, who was still just sitting there with no shirt on.

"Well, aren't you going to get up and make yourself presentable?" She snapped.

"Oh, yeah." He said, getting up and still holding the pillow over himself. He walked out of the room and towards the bathroom, only to pop his head back in the room five seconds later. "It was nice meeting you guys. Hopefully, next time I'll be dressed." Then he walked away. My father was laughing quietly and my mother was in shock. Then she turned to me.

"Paul, this is all your fault."

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><p><strong>I'm pretty happy with this chapter, and I would just like to remind everyone that Percy and Annabeth are almost seventeen, so want they were doing was completely age appropriate. I want to thank everyone for reading, reviewing, adding this story to there favorite, and for author and story alerting. I just have one little request to make: I would like at least five reviews for this chapter, because reviews make my day and they mean a lot to me. <strong>

Picture: .com/gallery/23757113#/d2w03xa **(Don't worry guys, it's not bad, your computers will be safe and your eyes won't burn out of your head because of gross images)**


	11. The Horror Continues

**Once upon a time, there was an author who didn't wait about two weeks to update her story. Oh wait, never mind. That's a lie. I'm so sorry for not updating guys! My life has been super crazy!I've had so many end of term assignments and then, just when I thought that all that stress was over, I was told that someone plagiarized my English essay and now I probably have a zero thanks to the stupid policy, which means I probably don't have an A in English anymore. I'm sorry for the wait and hopefull I'll be able to update regularly from now on! This chapter is a continuation of the last one, which was suggested by annabethrules120. I hope you guys enjoy and if you need me, I'll be crying in the corner lamenting my beautiful essay and once beautiful grade. **

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><p>After that rather interesting debacle, we all sat down for dinner. Annabeth sat far away from my mother, Percy acting as a buffer between them. Even then, she kept on glaring at her, stabbing at her meat viciously with a butcher knife, something I'm pretty sure Sally wouldn't give someone normally, but she thinks that Annabeth is the nicest, most levelheaded girl in the world. I, along with most sane people, think otherwise. Sally's hands were trembling and she was making small talk with my father, trying not to met my mother's eyes. My mom was glaring at everything in sight, even the fridge. The only one who didn't notice that anything was going on was Percy, as usual. He was shoveling food in his mouth, huge slices of ham, piles of mashed potatoes, and vegetables and rolls and anything else he could find that was edible. "Hey, Barnacle Beard Junior, slow down. You're going to kill yourself," Annabeth scolded, taking break from massacring her dinner. "Sorry, I'm just really hungry." He said, spraying Annabeth with crumbs. "Oops, sorry." He grabbed his napkin and started wiping her face. She huffed and grabbed it from him, taking over. "Where did you learn you manners, young man?" My mom said, clearly shocked. He just shrugged. "I'm a teenage boy, the dinner table is no place for manners." My dad laughed into his napkin and Sally just sighed, like she had expected this. She gave him a look. He gave her a charming smile in return and poured her more wine. He winked at me. "Maybe if I get your mom drunk, she'll be nicer!" He whispered, smiling happily like it was the best plan in the world. I didn't have anything to say to that, so I gave him what I hoped was a smile. It would never work.<p>

Dinner continued that same way. Percy cleared the table of food, My mother complained, my father did nothing, Sally tried to lighten the mood and Annabeth acted like she always does; overly superior and venomous. I just wanted to crawl into bed and cry. Being around Annabeth or my mother always made me feel that way though, so it wasn't new. When it was finally over, someone knocked on the door. I knew it was Percy related, because his friends and family somehow always got past the doorman or used the fire escape. Sally practically ran to the door, smoothing down her hair and dress. She opened the door and turned bright pink. "Poseidon!" She squeaked out, stepping away from the door so that he could come in. I never got used to seeing him. It was like looking at Percy, just aged a decade or two. "Sally darling! You look as lovely as ever," he said charmingly, and Sally swooned. He gave her a light kiss and Percy gagged. Poseidon gave him a twinkling smile and wagged his finger at him. "Now now, my boy, she was mine first." He said teasingly, but the look he gave me clearly said that he was serious. Normally, I would stick up for myself and say something along that lines of, "Yo, homie! Step away from my shortie!" and pull out my gat and a shank and start an awesome fight. But I couldn't do that for two reasons. One, because I was a white English teacher in his late thirties and I grew up in the suburbs. Two, because Poseidon was a god and would smite me if I got in between him and his lady, even though she was technically mine. But it's cool, I can share. I went to kindergarten. Sally somewhat got over the shock of having him here and struck up conversation. "So, what brings you here?" She asked casually. "I've come to see Percy, we've some business to talk about that I would rather have done in person. But I've come to see you, also. I've missed you greatly." He said in a suggestive tone and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. My dad looked at me and whispered, "He's got game!" I just nodded in response, thankful that my mother was in the bathroom powdering her nose or whatever it is old ladies do in there. "You know, Percy turned out to be a wonderful boy," Poseidon said, and Percy sat up straighter in his chair, looking pleased. Sally gave an absentminded "Hmm" in response. "And that got me thinking," he continued, ignoring Annabeth's muttered "Ouch, that must be super painful for you." "We should have another baby!" He finished triumphantly. Percy started to choke on his spit and Sally jerked out of her daze and looked up at him. "No, Poseidon, we can't! I'm married!" She stuttered hysterically, waving her left hand around in the air. He was completely unfazed. "So am I. That hasn't stopped us before," he winked and Sally turned bright red. After giving Percy the Heimlich remover, Annabeth stomped over to me and grabbed my ear, dragging me closer to her despite my painful protests. "Why are you just standing there and watching this? Stop him!" She hissed before letting go. I rubbed my now red and throbbing ear. Steeling my nerves, I opened my mouth to protest but was cut off by the sound of a door banging open. I jumped and almost ran to hide behind the couch, afraid that it was my mother an she would see what was going on and have even more to complain about, but it was the front door that opened, not the bathroom, and standing there was a very angry looking women.

"Why are you always trying to ruin marriages? Do you know how hard I work to keep them going? No, you don't. And you want to know why? It's because you don't value marriage!" The woman ranted, taking off her fur coat and throwing it on Annabeth who growled and threw it on the floor. Then she turned to my father. "You! Make me some tea." She ordered and he scampered out of the room, despite not knowing where the tea was. I don't even think he knows how to make tea. "Marriage," Poseidon scoffed, waving his hand dismissively. "Such a silly little concept. It's not fun and it's _so_ restricting." The women, who I now recognized as Hera, smacked him across the face. Everyone in the room winced. I was surprised my mother didn't join in; she loves pain and suffering. "Apologize to Sally, now." She demanded and he turned to Sally and gave puppy dogs eyes, a look that I had seen Percy use many times. "Sally, my love, I am deeply sorry. I know that our time has passed, but it is hard for me to accept that the woman I loved is with another. I thought that now that the oath is my brothers is over, you would have reconsidered my offer. But I see now that you belong with the blowfish." Sally, who apparently wasn't able to form sentences at all around him just stuttered a bit. Luckily, Poseidon's fluent in the language and understood what she meant. "I'm glad we've come to an understanding. Now, Percy, we have to talk." Percy looked happy that his father was paying attention to him again and was eager to comply. Poseidon led him out into the hallway and we all immediately ran to the door to eavesdrop. The only thing that I could gather was that they were speaking something that didn't sound like English, and it wasn't Greek either. Annabeth looked frustrated. "Since when can he speak something besides Greek and English?" She hissed, pushing my head down so that she could get closer to the door. "Demi god talent?" Sally offered, and joined Annabeth in pushing me away from the door so that they could hear better. "I want to hear too," I whined, trying to get closer. By the time I had finally gotten close to the door, they both scrambled back and tried to act natural. Sally was polishing a lamp with her elbow and whistling and Annabeth and dug something out of her bag and started to embroider something on a large sheet of sea green silk. Hera sent her a smug look. "Making a funeral shroud for your boyfriend, dear? That's good, he might need it soon." She said, and evil glint in her eyes. Annabeth went to go tackle her, but the goddess poofed away, and Annabeth bashed her face against the chair's arm. When Poseidon and Percy back inside, Percy's skin was the color of bleached coral and he looked like he wanted to cry, but his eyes shone with malice and the fierceness of a warrior. It was a weird combination. "Annabeth, what happened?" Percy asked worriedly, rushing towards her. I think she broke her nose because it was gushing blood and looked a little crooked. There must have been a lot of force in that tackle. "I went to go tackle an insane goddess and like the coward she is, she just left!" Annabeth ranted, not caring at all that her face and shirt at blood on them. "You're probably the stupidest boyfriend in existence." She said, like he should have know that she was going to do that. "Wait, you guys actually go out? I thought that was a joke!" Poseidon said hysterically. "That would be an awful joke," Percy muttered, trying to stop the blood flowing from her nose. "But, why? She's a daughter of Athena and son, there are plenty of other girls that would date you. Why, just the other day Artemis was asking about you and I heard your sister say that-" "Dad, Artemis is an eternal virgin, and Aphrodite is my sister, that's just gross. Besides, I like Annabeth. She's pretty great, for being a daughter of Athena and all." Poseidon looked like he wanted to protest but he let it go. "We'll talk about this at a better time. There are more pressing things to worry about. I'm afraid that I have to leave." He looked like Percy, like he wanted to cry. He patted Percy's shoulder and waved to the rest of us before disappearing into a thing of mist and leaving. We all just stood in the living room, staring at Percy who was looking at the ground like he was counting the fibers in the rug, which he would never do because he hates math. My father suddenly burst into the room, panting and holding a cup. "I have the tea," he said in between breaths. "Sorry Dad, she's gone." My father groaned and then collapsed onto a chair, muttering under his breath. "It could be worse," Percy said brightly, patting my dad's shoulder. "Your wife could be here." The second he said that, my mother walked in, her hair in curlers and dressed for bed. It was really scary. Percy screamed and whipped out Riptide, slashing at her a few times before he realized that she wasn't a monster. "You're human?" He said, clearly shocked. I shook my head. I'm never inviting my parents back. And I'm getting a god sensing alarm system.

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><p><strong>I want to thank everyone whose taken the time to read and review, and to those who favorite and put this story and me on their author alerts! The last chapter got over ten reviews, a personal best! We should aim for that again this time! (hint, hint, review pretty please) If you have any question or suggestion, feel free to PM me and I'll answer back! See you guys tomorrow, hopefully. Fingers crossed. <strong>


	12. The Family Gets Together

**Yay, an update! Last chapter I had meant to clarify a few things in the ending author's note, but I forgot because it was 3:00 in the morning. A normal update time for me. Anyway, I felt that because Percy is Poseidon's favorite son, that he would have at least warned him in a very discreet manner that Hera was going to kidnap, which is why Percy and Poseidon were freaking out. That little tidbit of information probably would have been helpful last chapter, but better late than never. Also, annabethrules120 gave a request for the last chapter, and I would like to let her know that her request wasn't ignored, I plan to do that next chapter, but it will be in Paul's point of view because these one-shots belong to him. Three more chapters left after this one, so if you have any requests tell me!**

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><p>I was sitting at the kitchen table, grading papers, when someone started banging on the door, shouting in a language that sounded Greek, but I wasn't really sure. With a sigh, I got up and walked towards the living room. I figured it was one of Percy's guests, because his friends and family always seemed to get past to doorman, and had some weird obsession with his fire escape. When I finally opened the door, standing there was a girl around Percy's age, and she didn't look too happy.<p>

"Where's Percy?" She demanded the second she walked in, thrusting a silver bag into my chest.

"Um, who are you?" I asked, confused as to why she acted as though she owned the place. She sighed, like answering my question was a lot of work that she didn't feel like doing.

"I'm Thalia, Percy's cousin." I blinked. I could see the family resemblance. They had the same curly black hair and strong, angular features. Thalia wasn't as tan as Percy and her features were more regal, whereas Percy's were more rebellious, but it was there. She was tall and lithe, wearing silver camouflage pants, a silver parka, and black combat boots, with a silver tiara in her hair. Her ears were covered in earrings and she wore so much black make up on her eyes, I thought she looked like a raccoon.

"Sally doesn't have any siblings," I said stupidly, still holding her bag even though it was ridiculously heavy. Thalia rolled her eyes, which were a startling shade of electric blue.

"His father does, though. And while we're at it, who the Hades are _you_?" She demanded. I ignored her weird use of the word Hades and answered her cousin.

"I'm Paul Blofis, Sally fiancée." She contemplated that for a moment.

"Oh, yeah. Percy did say something about that." I noticed that she had taken off her boots and jacket and had plopped herself down on the couch.

"Is there any reason you're here?" I finally set down her bag beside the door.

"I have a right to be here, I'm his cousin. Plus, We're going to a party together. A bunch of us are meeting here."

"A party?" I didn't think that Percy was one for parties, he didn't have many (well, any really) friends at school and most of the time he was off doing God knows what. Thalia nodded.

"Yep. Where is that kelp head, anyways?" She had decided on a channel, Fuse or something, and angry music started blaring from the TV.

"He went to the gym. He should be back soon, though." Thalia nodded.

"Great," she said, nodding as though it was super interesting information. "I'm thirsty, will you get me a drink?" I stifled a groan. I was used to working with kids like her, but she really took the cake.

"You have legs," I said, forgetting all my years of teacher patience. She huffed.

"Fine. I'll get it myself."

Half an hour later, Thalia screamed. I raced out to check on her, despite the fact that I didn't exactly like her already. Sitting on top of her was that kid from Percy's party, Nick or something. He climbed off of her as though he normally landed on top of people and brushed himself off.

"Hey, Mr. Blowfish. What's up?" He greeted, and left the room, coming back with a cherry coke. Thalia immediately protested.

"Hey, where's mine?"

"Why would I get you one? You don't even know my name." Thalia rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, but I know who you are. Your Bianca's little brother." Nick turned bright red and started spluttering. He was about to tackle Thalia when the door burst open and he got hit in the back by it, making him fly across the room. Percy walked in, all smiles carrying bags for his mom. When he saw Nick and Thalia, his smile got impossibly wider.

"Nico! Thalia! What are you guys doing here?" He shouted, like they were halfway across the world instead of two feet away from him. He dropped the bags he was carrying and opened his arms up for a hug. Nico, whoops not Nick at all, backed away and hid behind the couch and Thalia rolled her eyes.

"Remember, the party? I have to go and pick up a new recruit. And I'm not hugging you, you smell like death." Nico's cheeks turned pink.

"Actually, that might be me," he muttered, picking at his ragged black shirt. Thalia face palmed and Percy sniffed himself, than picked up Nico and sniffed him.

"No, it's me. I'm going to go shower," he said, walking towards the bathroom. Thalia grabbed his shirt and pulled him back.

"Hey, Barnacle Beard Junior, I get to take a shower first."

"Um, no. It's my apartment and I smell worse."

"Well I'm a girl and the guest, which means I get to go first."

"I thought you were a feminist?"

"Meh." Percy just stared at her for a minute, than shrugged his shoulders.

"Can't argue with that logic," he said reasonably. "Just hurry up, I don't want to smell like Nico forever." Nico immediately started protesting but was cut off when Percy shoved Nico's head under his armpit. The poor kid.

Three hours, a dirty house, and a useless grocery trip later, Percy and co. were finally ready to go. Well, not quite. I had to teach Nico how to tie his shoes because the King of Ghosts does not need to know how to do such meaningless tasks, apparently. He quickly changed his mind after falling flat on his face and since I was a teacher, I got stuck doing it.

"Alright, so do you get it now?" I ask in my best patient voice. Nico examined his shoes, and then shook his head.

"You did a horrible job. Redo," he stated, then untied the laces and shoved his feet in my face. "Again," he said like a gleeful little boy and tapped his feet together, getting underworld dirt in my face. I was about to give him a stern talking to and a detention, when a huge fight broke out in the kitchen. Thalia and Percy were fighting over the last bag of Doritos.

"It's nacho cheese Thalia!"

"I know they're nacho cheese, idiot! Why do you think I want them?"

"No, I meant that it's not your cheese, meaning that it's my cheese, meaning that the Doritos are mine!" Thalia stared at him incredously.

"Serious? Who are you, Apollo?" The she grabbed his arm and shocked him. I'm not talking about a static shock, but like an electric, lightening shock, if you could even call it that. When she let go, Percy was missing half and eyebrow and his clothes were singed. The worst part was though, was that Thalia had the Doritos and they were still here! How was I suppose to spend quality time with Sally when these nosy kids were running around everywhere?

"Guys, you do realize that that's a family sized bag of Doritos, right?" They looked at me, then at the bag, then at me again. I sighed.

"You guys are family, right?" I prompted. They nodded, still unsure of where I was going with this.

"So why don't you guys just share the bag!" I yelled, throwing my hands up in the air. Normally, I was a rational guy, but these kids, mainly Percy because I didn't really know the other two, drove me crazy. But in a nice way. I really appreciate them once they're gone.

"But Paul, I'm a growing boy, I need all the nutrients I can get!" Percy whined and Thalia rolled her eyes.

"You don't need any more nutrients, you're big enough. Besides, there is nothing healthy about Doritos."

"Ah, common mistake. You see, Doritos have grain, dairy, and other stuff. Which are in the food pyramid, making them nutritious." While they bickered about the nutritional value of the chips, Nico crept out from the shadows and went to go snag the bag. Unfortunately for him, Percy and Thalia were on high alert and attacked him at the same time. Percy soaked him and Thalia shocked him. It was like watching someone get electrocuted on TV, x-ray view and all. As a future parent, it was my job to step in and stop them.

"Guys! Just get out and go to that party so that Sally and I can do it!" I screamed. Everyone in the room froze, including me. Nico wrinkled his nose.

"Ew, gross." Thalia and Percy exchanged conspiratory smirks.

"Party? What party?" Percy said innocently.

"Yeah, as I recall, I came here to bond with my favorite aunt," Thalia added innocently. Nico gave them confused looks.

"No, guys you said we were going to a party."

"No we didn't," Thalia said, her teeth clenched. Percy tried to give him a subtle look, but he's way to obvious.

"Pretty sure we were going to a party, that's why I'm here." Thalia groaned and hissed something in Nico's ear.

"Oh, I get it now! Yeah, we're not leaving." And they did exactly that. Needless to say, I did not get laid that night.

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><p><strong>Poor Paul. I hope you guys liked it and I will see you sometime this week! And because I like you guys so much, I'm going to tell you guys about how my English essay got plagiarized, because someone actually asked. It's a great story. So, I had written a lovely essay on Holden's metal deterioration throughout Catcher In The Rye and I got a ninety five. I go to genius kid school, so this isn't to be taken lightly. Because my English teacher is wicked uptight about his essays, he failed most people, but let them write it again. Since my essay got an amazing grade, this girl asked me if she could see the layout for my essay, because the only reason she got a D on hers was because the layout was messed up. I said sure, because the girl was an honor roll student I trusted her. Plus, I copy her Latin classwork when she's not looking, so I figured I owed her. Apparently, one of my line was so good that she just had to use it and turnitin figured it out and so my english teacher did too. The policy at my school for plagiarism is an automatic zero, even if the person didn't want their work to be copy and didn't give it to someone to be copied. And that's how I went from an A to a D in English and why I now can't stand going to English, one of my best classes. Sorry for wasting your time with that story but there is a moral: keep your work under lock and key and don't even let your dog see it. Also, even if your teacher commemorates you for helping someone and says that it was a mature and smart thing to do, they will still give you a zero. That is all and thanks to everyone for reviewing and reading and alerting this story and myself and for adding this story to their favorites. Continue to do so! It makes my day and even though I've never respond, know that I want to, but I can never think of anything to say. <strong>


	13. Paul's Day Is Ruined Again

**Hello! Long time no see, huh? Sorry about that, I've been super busy with school and last week was the English MCAS, which is a really big exam, so I've been a bit caught up in other things. I finally got around to using annabethrules120's idea, but I changed it up a little because I tried to write the original idea, but it didn't really work so I switched it up. **

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><p>This is it. The day I finally get to spend all by myself. No step son to bring utter chaos into the house, none of the step son's crazy friends, girlfriend, and family to help him with that chaos and no wife. The last part was actually pretty sad, but Sally had to fly out for a book signing so I had to stay behind because no matter how many times Percy saves the word, he will always be her baby boy. Said baby boy also can't cook, clean, or do laundry, so you can't leave him by himself or when you come back from a trip he will be slumped over the coffee table half dead. The length of time doesn't matter. Once, I went to the store and when I came back Percy was complaining about how hungry he was. When I asked why he didn't try to make himself something he said that he did which explained all the smoke. We now have a new toaster and microwave.<p>

.

I was staring at the flat screen TV practically drooling, and not for normal reasons. Having a demi god in the house meant that we were connected to Hephaestus TV, the very best network ever. I haven't watched mortal television since. It has thousands of working channels, from normal ones like the weather channel, which changes every five seconds, to real chariot races! And don't even get me started on the special Olympics for the demi gods. Just amazing. My current addiction right now was "Famous Demi Gods Throughout History," a six hundred part series on the heroes of the gods. I was now on part 201 which was all about my man, William Shakespeare, son of Apollo. If the guys from college saw me now they would be so jealous. Just as I had settled down, the room got really cold and dark. A dark spot started to ooze onto the ceiling and I was afraid that the floor above ours had flooded. Instead of water and our elderly, cat loving apartment neighbor Mr. Fitzherbert-Patrick-O'Donnell-Smith-Jenkins falling from the ceiling, a scrawny son of Hades did. To be more specific, he fell right on top of my face, breaking my glasses and my dignity. Once the room was back to normal, at least I'm assuming that it did because my vision was obscured by the person on my face, Nico realized that he was sitting on a person and not the couch. He got up and smiled at me- at least I think that was a smile, hard to tell- and made awkward conversation. Normally, I wouldn't mind, but the he was standing right in front of the television and made a better wall than a window. He didn't seem to realize that though, because he just stood there and continued to go on and on about who knows what.

"-then the hellhound said to the hunter ,'I am going to eat you!' Then he did!" Nico finished, bursting out laughing. I gave a half hearted chuckle. I'm not sure if that was a joke or if he just thought death was a great topic to bring up in normal conversation.

"Wow Nico, great joke!" He stopped laughing.

"That wasn't a joke, it actually happened. Thalia's still pissed at me for that."

"Then why were you laughing?"

"Isn't it obvious? I was laughing because hellhounds can't talk," he scoffed, and finally moved away from the TV and onto the couch. "Oh, you guys have Hephaestus TV? Great, I'm behind on Death and Taxes."

"Death and taxes? What's that about?"

"Death… and taxes," Nico answered stupidly, changing the channel before I could protest. Luckily, the title "Death and Taxes" sounded mildly interesting, even if its description was lacking, so I didn't have a childish fight with Nico over the clicker. That was my mistake.

.

Two hours later, my eyes were drier than the show. Death and Taxes was, quite literally, about death and taxes. It was just a list, rolling down the screen in two columns. One was for the list of people who were dead and currently in the process of dying and the other was a list of taxes that were either in effect, being taken away, or being planned. The only exciting part of the show was the background music, Beethoven's best and darkest. Nico, however, clearly didn't share my thoughts on the subject because he was literally on the edge of his seat, jumping up and exclaiming every once in awhile. Just when I thought that I was going to join the list of names scrolling down the screen, it cut to a commercial advertising a seaweed facial wash, the same one that Percy used. I seized the opportunity and turned off the TV.

"Okay, it's over, time for good little godlings to go out in play in the nice weather," I said cheerfully, pulling back the curtains to reveal the dark and stormy outside, not the sunny day it was a few hours ago.

"Nice, real nice. Just assuming that because I'm a son of Hades that I like it when it's dark and depressing outside. Well you're only partially right! It's raining and I hate getting wet, that's Percy's job. And speaking of Percy, I need to go ask him for some Drachmas. My dad's cutting me off for fighting with Persephone," he said, like it was perfectly normal for him to fight with a goddess and get allowance from the god of death.

"Oh sorry Nico, but Percy's not here, he has school." Nico looked at me like I was crazy.

"Uh, no he's not. He got suspended, remember?" I groaned and face palmed. How could I forget _that_? Earlier this week, some kid had found out that Percy was, in the technical sense, a bastard. He then started saying some unsavory things about Sally to Percy's face. That was his big mistake. Percy loves Sally more than anything in this world and if anyone even says something that could be interpreted as negative about her and Percy finds out, there will be blood. And tears. Percy lost his temper and almost put the kid in the hospital. It was on of those rare moment where Percy isn't the laidback, sarcastic guy everyone knows and loves, but the guy who has the same temper and general response as Poseidon did in all of the old stories- quick to act, unforgiving, and cruel. Thankfully, the principal was very understanding and very moved by Sally's tears when he threatened strict punishment, so Percy was only suspended for a few weeks.

"Speaking of school, shouldn't you be there? You are a teacher, after all," Nico continued, raising his eyebrow at me. Busted.

"I'm taking a personal day," I said in a very authoritative tone. He just rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, whatever, I don't really care. I won't tell on you as long as you go get the Drachmas from Percy."

"Why can't you do it? I'm a mortal, what am I supposed to do with Ancient Greek money?"

"Percy's already lent me money this week and you'll figure something out." He said, and pushed me in the direction of Percy's room.

.

For some reason, I thought that just bursting into my teenage stepson's room without knocking was a good idea even though I have the mental scars to prove that it's not. When I opened the door, Percy was not alone. Annabeth was with him and they were not playing monopoly.

"What are you guys doing!" Annabeth and Percy froze.

"I thought you locked the door, Seaweed Brain."

"I was going to after we were done," he explained calmly, like he was sitting in a room half naked with his girlfriend, who was in a similar state, and his step dad.

"Why would you wait until we were done?"

"Well, I didn't want to stop kissing you to do something stupid like lock a door," he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Annabeth just stared at him.

"I'm flattered, yet ashamed that I, as a daughter of Athena, am dating you, of all people."

"Your ashamed? Percy should be ashamed that he's dating a girl with such small boobs! What are you Annabeth, like an A? And that's with a push up bra on!" Nico said walking into the room like he owned the place, and Annabeth turned bright red and put on Percy's shirt. Which was good, because I was starting to feel like a pedophile just being in the same room as her.

"You're from the forties, aren't you suppose to be like a gentleman or something? And I resent your comment, Annabeth is perfect!" Percy said, putting on pants and sending a sappy look towards Annabeth.

"I have my moments," Nico said, shrugging. "And what about you? I thought Sally raised you as a gentleman."

"She did. I never pressure Annabeth into anything and I support her decision of waiting until marriage to do, you know, grown up things that I don't like talking about with Paul around. Why are you guys here, anyway?"

"Nico needs money and I somehow got sucked into it." Percy sighed and rummaged through the heaps stuff around his room before producing a leather sack and throwing it at Nico. Nico missed the catch and it hit him in the chest with a loud thump and a series of clangs. Nico winced and rubbed his chest.

"Ouch, money really doesn't cause happiness. Well, I'm off. Thanks for the money, Percy. See you… whenever." Then he walked into the corner and disappeared into the shadows.

After Nico left, Annabeth did too, stating that she had important tests to study for and things to design. Percy decided to take her back to school, leaving me all alone. I settled down on the couch, ready to finally have my alone time when I heard a weird crackling noise above me. Looking up, I saw that the ceiling was starting to crack and water was leaking out. Then the pipes burst. They always do.

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><p><strong>Poor Paul, I always ruin his day by having his apartment flooded. At least he has a son of Poseidon to help clean up now. In other news, I've started prepping some stories to write after this one! One of them would be called the <span>Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows <span> and would be about what happens at Camp when Percy's not questing and is just there. It would take place after The Last Olympian, meaning that the events that take place during the Lost Hero would be postponed by a year or so. It would be about 10 chapters long, seven chapters for everyday of the week and three outtakes. The other one, which doesn't have a title yet and I'm really unsure about is The Lost Hero, but rewritten. It's the same concept, except a little different. I give Jason a personality and well, I have a few other tricks up my sleeve :) Anyways, there's a poll up so vote if you want to! If there's no votes, I'll just write something about Poseidon and Sally, because I love them and no one else writes about them, so I'll have to do it myself. **** Two chapters left!**


	14. A Morning Full of Love

**Gasp, is this an update? I think it is! Sorry it's been such a wait, I've had school, lifeguard training, and I haven't had the computer at all because something happened to the iPad so my many siblings [I have five in case you were wondering, which you're probably not] have been monopolizing the computer. One last note before the start of this lovely update, I have another one-shot up! It's a companion to The Loss of the Prodigal Son [If you haven't read it, you should. Paul's in it and he's canon! Yay!] and it talks about the phone call and trust me guys, you've never seen one like mine. At least, I'm pretty sure. So check that out if you're interested! It's called The Parable of the Sower. **

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><p>Beep. Beep. Beep. I groaned and reached for the snooze button on the alarm. After hitting it several times, it finally went off. With a happy sigh, I rolled over to greet Sally.<p>

"Good morning sweet- ah!" I screamed, and scrambled to the edge of the bed. Lying in between Sally and myself was the girl version of Percy. With her curly black hair, tan skin, and perfect features, she was easily the second most beautiful person in the world. Sally being the first, but don't tell her I said that. The goddess in question gave me a twinkly wave and snuggled up deeper into the bed.

"Good morning Paul! How do you sleep?" She said, batting her eyelashes. Her voice woke up Sally, who didn't even looked phased that an Olympian randomly popped up into her bed while she was sleeping. In fact, she acted like it happened all the time. I bet that's how she met Poseidon.

"Hello, Lady Aphrodite. How are you?" She asked, getting out of bed and putting on her bathrobe.

"Oh I'm fine, thank you for asking. I was just passing through the neighborhood when I thought that it would be nice to pay a visit to my baby brother," she said, getting out of the bed. She was wearing some kind of silky underwear bedtime thing that probably didn't classify as pajamas or anything else for that matter.

"Why are you wearing that?" I blurted out. She looked down confused.

"This? It's just my pajamas, silly! What did you expect me to wear, sweatpants or something?" She laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world, slapping her knee and everything. "Paul, you are a hoot. No wonder Sally married you." She ruffled my hair on her way out the room. I looked at Sally and she just shrugged.

"I've learned not to asked. I'm going to go make some breakfast, hopefully she likes heart shaped pancakes."

.

It turns out, Aphrodite loved the heart shaped pancakes. She also loved the color pink and insisted, very politely, that I dye her butter pink using food coloring, and gave a bunch of other, ridiculously pink requests. By the time breakfast was over, I never wanted to see the color pink again. Sadly, Aphrodite didn't get the memo and had magically changed into a light pink dress with a matching flower on her hat. She looked extremely out of place sitting in our kitchen sipping her pomegranate passion ambrosia, dressed up like she was having tea with the Queen. She was using Sally best china and everything. I'm surprised that she has any china left after Percy took the china cabinet out for the second time. Medea's fix all glue is some very reliable stuff. A little after lunch time, Percy finally decided to join the living. He walked out into the kitchen, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers that had seashells and fish on them. He collapsed on the a chair and dropped his head on the table, like being awake was just too much for him to handle. He blindly groped around for a cup and Sally pushed a large glass of water towards him and a shaker of sea salt, which he tried to pour into his glass, but he only got half of it in, the rest was on the table.

"What time is it?" He muttered, rumpling his hair and taking a sip of his salt water. I checked the clock above his head.

"It's half past twelve," I answered, and he stared at me with a blank look on his face. "That means 12:30," I sighed, and opened the newspaper.

"Wow, I'm up really early. I think I'm going to go back to bed." He got up to leave but backtracked when he saw Aphrodite, who had been playing with the wind chimes that hung in the window.

"Aphrodite, what are you doing here?" He stuttered, and tried to find something to cover himself up with. She giggled and patted the seat next to her. Percy sat down, staring at her like a man in the desert who finally found the oasis.

"Can't I come visit my favorite brother without needing a favor?" She said sweetly, curling a lock of his hair around her finger. He said something really intelligent.

"Uh, gah?" She laughed and kissed his cheek, leaving a light pink mark of her lips behind.

"You're so cute! I wish I could have you all to myself! But your right, I didn't come here for a purely social visit. Something awful has happened." He eyes welled up with tears and being the chivalrous hero he was, Percy broke out of his love stupor to make sure that she, and the world, were okay.

"What happened? Has Kronos risen again? The other titans? Did they cancel Olympus' Next Top Goddess?" He said worriedly, wiping away the tears that were falling down her face with the sleeve of my bathrobe.

"No, it's worse!" She cried dramatically, flinging her hand across her forehead and everything. Percy went pale.

"W-worse? What could be worse than that?" His voice was shaking. She sniffled.

"My girdle has been stolen!" She shrieked, and burst into a new round of sobs. Percy stared at her.

.

"Your… girdle?" She shook her head vigorously.

"Yes, my girdle. You see, for our five day anniversary, Hephaestus made me a girdle that would make me even _more _ irresistible than I already am. I know, it sounds impossible. After all, how do you improve this?" She gestured to herself, than continued. "Anyway, I need my girdle if I'm going to win the annual fight between who gets the golden apple. If I don't have it, than whoever tries to end te argument might give it to someone other than me! Do you know how long I've held on to that apple? Forever. No one has ever taken it from me and I refuse to let that record be broken!"

"But you're the goddess of beauty, why can't you just compete without the girdle?" I asked, and she looked at me like I tried to tell her that the concept of gravity didn't exist.

"Compete without the girdle? Oh no, I've learned my lesson. The last time I entered a competition not wearing it, just to let the others think that they had a chance, I almost lost. Thankfully, Paris was a smart man and knew that I could offer him far more than Hera or Athena could. If I don't have my girdle by five tomorrow, I'll risk losing my golden apple, and I love that apple almost as much as I love myself."

"That's a lot. Okay, I'll find your girdle for you," Percy said, getting up and stretching . "Where should I start looking?" Aphrodite tapped her chin thoughtfully.

"I'd check the Centennial Park's replica of the Parthenon. Athena was never able to get over the fact that she lost a competition. That jealous wench probably stole my girdle hoping to finally win. I'm sure you'll find it somewhere around there, she's so predictable." Percy nodded and left the room. He came back dressed in a long sleeve thermal, jeans, and running sneakers. He had a backpack slung over his shoulder.

"Wait, you can't go! What about school?" I asked. Aphrodite scoffed.

"School? Heroes don't go to school, what a waste of their time."

"School is very important! Knowledge is important!" I wanted to add that Percy needed all the education he could get, but I refrained from adding that because I didn't want to insult him.

"You sound like Athena. I'm in no mood for anything related to her today, or any day, actually. Be thankful that I don't turn you into a dove or something. And besides, Percy's a smart boy. He doesn't need an edumacation. "

"You sure about that?" I asked dryly.

"Positive. He knows his alphas, betas, and gammas, don't you, Perce?" He nodded vigorously. She smiled and clapped her hands together.

"Excellent! Well, I'll send you on your way and then go ruin everyone's chances at taking my apple. Ta-ta!" In a puff of pink smoke that smelled like flowers, she left, taking Percy with her. I stared at the spot where they once stood.

"But he has an English exam tomorrrow!"

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><p><strong>Yay! One chapter left and then this story is complete! Remember to take the time to review and to answer the question on my poll! If you're too lazy to do that, just answer in a review. I changed the choices a bit, so now it's the Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows, a story told by the Stoll brothers about what goes on a camp when things are as normal as they can be for demi gods. It's a whole week of Camp Half Blood life and three outtakes, so ten chapters long. Another option is The Prison of Eternal Lights, a retelling of The Lost Hero. Well, kind of. I just use the concept and the characters. The last choice is a collection of one-shots called Viva La Vida [Working Title] based on what happens to Leo, Piper, and Jason at random moments. So, request! For more information on Aphrodite and her girdle: <strong>

**http:/ www. thanasis .com/ mfeb99 .htm [Just remove the spaces, and copy and paste into the search bar] **

**Keep on reviewing, alerting, and favoriting and I'll see you later this week because I'm on break so I have time to write! Thanks to all my readers for sticking with me and my horrible updating!**


	15. Paul Discovers That Peace Doesn't Exist

**Wah, it's the very last chapter! But don't worry, you haven't seen the last of me! Well, maybe you should worry. I'm completely done with this story thing, the only thing left is to go back and edit everything because, let's face it, I really need to. Another note, this isn't my last update for today! The prologue to my next story is up, it's called The Demigod Diaries and no, I didn't rip the title off of Rick. I had planned on naming my story this, then realized that he was going to use. But he hasn't published it yet so the title isn't his yet! Anyways, if you like Travis, Connor, and bromances and the half-bloods acting like normal teenagers, then you'll like this story! So check it out... please?**

**Anyways, I want to thank everyone for supporting this story and reading, reviewing, alerting and favoriting! It really means the world to me that you guys cared and I'm glad I've had you as readers :) **

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><p>"Alright class, can anyone tell me what Shakespeare was trying to convey when he said this?" I asked, tapping the quote written on the board. The class stared at me blankly. Or, the people who were actually awake at least. All five and a half of them. I'm surprised I've been able to talk over Percy's snoring.<p>

"Wake up everybody," I said in my indoor voice. No one responded, so I tried again. Still, nothing. Drastic calls call for drastic measures.

"Wake up!" I screamed, banging a stapler on my desk. Everyone woke up with a start and Percy started to wildly slash around in the air, cursing in Greek. When he noticed that the whole class was staring at him and that he wasn't being attacked, he stopped.

"Where am I?" He asked, scratching his head and yawning.

"You're in school, English class, if you want me to be specific." Percy nodded.

"Okay. Then the answer 's foreshadowing." Words can't describe the look I gave him. It was a cross between shock and amazement. I didn't even know he knew the word foreshadowing.

"Well good try, but no." Not even close. Percy slumped down in his seat. Just as I was about to go back to teaching the lesson, someone started banging on the classroom door. Avarielle Mandelina Aurora Zephan Iphigenie Nevaeh Graceland, the most annoying student I have ever had to teach, raced to open the door. A little background on Avarielle Mandelina Aurora Zephan Iphigenie Nevaeh Graceland. She's super short, but everyone thinks it's cute rather than a little odd. She's also super skinny, but has "awesome curves." Her skin is flawless, like it's been airbrushed by angels, and it's as white as snow, yet for some reason no one has ever told her to get a tan or sent her to a doctor to check her melatonin levels checked. No one really knows what color her eyes are, that's how entrancing they are and she has hair that reaches her waist in shiny, blond curls and she magically never sits on it and doesn't even have to brush it. Her face is so magnificent it restores the sight of the blind. She's so smart that her GPA is in the triple digits and she has already published multiple bestselling books. She involved, and is the best, in every single extracurricular activity and school sport even though they have overlapping times and you can only do one sport a season. She even volunteers to do just about everything you can volunteer for, like feeding the homeless and playing with feral cats. Everyone likes her, but she prefers to be alone. All the boys, and some of the girls, want to date her, even those who play for the other team, but she only has eyes for one guy. Percy. Sadly for her, he thinks that her name is Rashawndala and that she's been to prison and is in some gang, which she probably leads, knowing her. All in all, I can't stand her and can't wait until she graduates. Seriously, I have a calendar counting down the days.

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When Avarielle Mandelina Aurora Zephan Iphigenie Nevaeh Graceland opened that door, everyone clapped because her door opening skills are out of this world. She took it all modestly, and went back to her seat blushing and trying to hide behind her hair. Standing in the doorway with a panicked look on his face was Dean Ralph, the school's headmaster. When he saw me, he sighed in relief.

"Oh Paul, thank God I found you," he said, moping at his forehead with a handkerchief from his suit pocket.

"What can I do for you, Dean?" I asked, perching on the edge of my desk. Normally, whenever he came to be to ask for a favor, it wasn't pleasant. Once, because the janitors were on strike, he ask me to join the force of teachers that had to take the janitors place. I got stuck cleaning the boys' bathroom. Needless to say, I was a bit weary of him coming to me needing something.

"Well you see, my secretary accidently scheduled a relative career day for your fourth period block and forgot to tell you. Whoops," he chuckled awkwardly.

"But it's fourth block now!" I said a little hysterically. "How come no one thought to tell me this? It ruins my lesson plans for the whole day! This class will be a full day behind!" He just shrugged.

"Not my problem anymore. They'll be here in three minutes, so I suggest you prepare," he said, then ran out of the room like he didn't want to stick around for whatever was to come next. I turned and face my class.

"How many of you guys knew about this?" I demanded. Sheepishly, everyone in the class raised their hand but Percy, he had fallen asleep again. I groaned and closed my eyes, tries to prevent the fast approaching headache. When I opened them again, Avarielle Mandelina Aurora Zephan Iphigenie Nevaeh Graceland was about an inch away from my face, eyes wide open in an unwavering stare. I leapt back with a tiny scream.

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to get away from her.

"I was trying to make sure you were okay, Mr. Blofis," she said sweetly, then whipped a thermometer out of nowhere and shoved it in my mouth. "I'm a certified lifeguard, you know, and it's my duty to save and protect." She took the thermometer out and shook it before giving it a quick glance and nodding.

"You're going to live," she said gravely. "Does anyone else need saving, mouth to mouth or anything related to that," she said hopefully, giving Percy "the bedroom eyes."

"Just go sit down, Avarielle Mandelina Aurora Zephan Iphigenie Nevaeh Graceland!" I pointed to her seat just in case she needed a remainder. She sat down, but not before sticking a band aid on my chin. I pulled it off. It was Hello Kitty patterned.

.

The second I got all the students settled and placed a pair of sunglasses on Percy's face so it wasn't that obvious that he was sleeping, all of the relatives walked into the room and I realized why the headmaster was so eager to pass them off to me. Standing alongside the group wearing identical, maniacal smiles were Apollo and Hermes, Percy's cousins and the biggest pains in the world. I paled at the sight of them and Apollo noticed. He wiggled his fingers at me and winked. I looked away and counted to five, hoping that when I looked back they would be gone. I looked back. Nope, still there.

.

All of my students' relatives were very successful and had great jobs. Some were fascinating to hear about, Finlay O'Donnell's father who was a marine or Prisca Mackey's aunt who was an archeologist. Others, like Aldan Wells' second uncle thirteen times removed, had horribly boring ones. He worked nights at a retirement home. Some were just weird, like Altessa Sargent's mom who put on one-woman plays during funerals. I didn't even know that was a real job. The whole time this was going on, Apollo threw spitballs and hit on everything girl in the room. Hermes sat in the corner and yelled at his phone. By the time it was their turn, Hermes was out of breath and losing his voice and Apollo had various handprints on his face and a fistful of papers with phone numbers on them.

"Alright, we don't have enough time for both of you, so only one of you can go," I said, checking the clock and seeing that there was only five minutes left until class ended. Both of looked at each other, and then fighting to get up in the front of the class.

"You don't even have a real job, Apollo! I'm the one who has to deliver every single message, help guide the dead to the underworld, and help criminals! You just drive around and hit on girls!"

"Hey! I'll have you know that the sun happens to be attached to my car and the world depends on the sun, therefore they depend on me! And, I'm a doctor, since when is that 'not a real job?'" Apollo countered, knocking Hermes' cell phone out of his hand. The phone immediately starting protesting.

"Fae skata kai psofa rae malaka!" A raspy voice that I identified as possibly female hissed.

"Martha, shut up and stop insulting him! The floor tastes like rats!" A male's voice rasped, and Hermes sighed and thumped his phone again the ground.

"Gods, George, you're so fat! Now is not the time to be focusing on food!"

"Hey, if you guys say that my job is more important, then I'll give you a rat," Apollo sang, a conjured a huge rat out of nowhere. Avarielle Mandelina Aurora Zephan Iphigenie Nevaeh Graceland took one look at the rat and exclaimed, "oh my! That poor animal! I'm a member of PETA and I can't stand such horrible sights of inhumanity!" Then she fainted and a rainbow fell across her face. Hermes and Apollo started studying her, their previous argument forgotten.

"Hey, isn't she that demigod who might be a daughter of… well, any of us?" Hermes said, scratching his head with his phone.

"I think so. I hope she stays unclaimed, I'd hate it if she belonged to me," Apollo said, shuddering. Hermes nodded.

"Agreed. Hey, wouldn't it be crazy if she was, like, some powerful forbidden kid?"

"Yeah right! Powerful my behind, which is rather sexy and toned, just in case anyone wanted to know." Hermes and Apollo busted out laughing, then abruptly stopped.

"Wait, what were we arguing about again?" Apollo said, and Hermes eyes glazed over.

"Rats?" George suggested. Hermes shook his head.

"No, that can't be it. Oh, that's right! We were arguing over who actually had a _real _job and we were looking for a judge to tell us," his eyes roved around the room, searching for an unlucky victim. He paused on me.

"Oh look! I found an impartial, informed judge!"

.

The bell rang and everyone left the room leaving only me, the two crazies, Percy, George and Martha and Avarielle Mandelina Aurora Zephan Iphigenie Nevaeh Graceland, who was still passed out under a beam of rainbows and unicorns. The two gods were still staring at me. I gulped. Judging for gods never ended up well and usually resulted in war.

"Are you guys sure you want me to be the judge? I mean, I'm just a lowly mortal and look! Percy, the and strong son of Poseidon/hero of Olympus is right there!" They thought about it for a minute and then shook their heads.

"Nah, you'll do. We don't want to wake him up, he looks so peaceful. Like a wittle baby," Apollo said and a gave him a dubious look. Even in his sleep, Percy wasn't peaceful. He snored, drooled, and sometimes even talked. All in all, not exactly peaceful, and certainly not like "a wittle baby."

"Um, okay," I said, wincing. How do you even decide which god ranks higher? Exactly, you don't. I walked around in a circle, trying to decide what to do.

"Well, you guys are both equally important-" I started, but was cut off by Apollo.

"Nope, no compromising. There is only one winner. And it better be me." I got the message loud in clear. Only one could win, and the loser would rage and destroy me and, most likely, the world. I was stumped, and I wasn't Odysseus, so I couldn't get out of this situation. Before I could even open my mouth, a silver light filled the room. Apollo dropped his sunglasses off his face in surprise.

"Sis? What are you doing here, do you need a haiku?" the twelve year old goddess shuddered.

"No way. I'm just here to rely a message from father," she said, stepping around Avarielle Mandelina Aurora Zephan Iphigenie Nevaeh Graceland to get closer to us. Well, not really stepping around, more like walking on her.

"You can't do that! Giving messages is my job," Hermes whined.

"Oh put a rat in it!" Martha hissed, and a rat appeared in Hermes mouth. He spit it out and conjured up a tooth brush. His cell phone clattered onto the floor along with the rat and I could hear George's gleeful cackles as he ate it.

"What's the message?" HE said, sending toothpaste spit all over Artemis. She glared at him and wiped it off her face.

"Father say that if you guys fight, he'll ground you." Hermes opened his mouth to say something put Apollo put up his hand, silencing him and cleared his throat.

"My sister comes

Relying messages from Dad

I am so great," He recited, and looked around the room, smiling and waiting for applause, Artemis just stared at him.

"I really hope that you don't expect an applause for _that_," she spat out. He nodded.

"I expect an applause for everything I do. Does Dad really want us to stop fighting, or are you just lying?" She hit him.

"I never lie. Now, get your butt into your chariot and drive, the sun doesn't rotate on its own," she said, then faced Hermes. "And you, don't you have messages to deliver?" Hermes nodded sheepishly and Martha added her two cents.

"You have sixty calls to return and one thousand and thirty eight messages." He groaned and poofed out of the room and Apollo followed.

.

I stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, not sure if I was going to get turned into a jackelope or not.

"So, thanks for the help," I said, looking everywhere but at the goddess before me. She sniffed disdainfully.

"I didn't do it for you," she said scathingly, but she was looking at Percy with a soft dreamy expression on her face. She walked towards Percy, almost slipping in a puddle of his drool on the process and racked a hand through his hair. I could have sworn I heard her whisper something about Orion. Then she plucked a piece of hair out of his head and slipped it into her pocket. Then she left, but not before glaring at me first.

.

After I calmed down, I realized that it was lunch time. I debated on whether or not I should wake up Percy, but then decided against it, knowing that if I did he would think I was the enemy and attack me. And I was not in the mood to get my ass kicked. Before I could leave, Avarielle Mandelina Aurora Zephan Iphigenie Nevaeh Graceland woke up.

"Sorry I fainted, I'm just such a delicate flower that I couldn't handle something so grotesque." She said sweetly, and stood up. She didn't look disheveled or anything, in fact, she looked like she could climb Mt. Everest and then run the Boston marathon. She glanced at the clock and then gasp.

"I almost forgot! I baked a pie for Percy, I wouldn't want to forget to give it to him!" She whipped a huge apple pie out of her book bag and placed it in front of Percy. For some reason, it was still hot. She had ice cream to go with it and everything.

"There. Now, I have to go. I'm donating one of my kidney's to the children's hospital and then I have to leave and make my way to NASA's headquarters. They need my help for the next space launch. I'll see you later, Mr. Blofis. Or, maybe not. The headmaster gave me the okay to graduate and Yale and Harvard are both ready to accept me, so I might chose to go there for an education. After all, they need me to help tutor and translate their foreign students. I'm the only one who speaks every language known and unknown to man." Then she finally left. Before I could celebrate my good luck Percy woke up.

"What did I miss? Oh look, pie."

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><p><strong>Poor Paul, I'm sure he's glad this torture is over. How did you guys like my Mary Sue, she was the best, right? If anyone catches what her initials spell, I'll give you a special prize1 You can suggest a prompt for a one-shot! Please leave a review so that this story can end on a good note and go out with a bang! Hopefully I'll see you all again during the Demigod Diaries! <strong>

**The meanings for my Mary Sue's name: **

**Avarielle- Woman of Strength **

**Mandelina- Lovable **

**Aurora- A Precious Gemstone **

**Zephan- Irish Saint **

**Iphigenie- Of Royal Birth **

**Nevaeh- Heaven **

**Graceland- Land of Grace**


	16. In Which Paul Kind of Helps Percy

**Since so many people have added this story to their alerts, I decided i would add five more chapters because let's be real, Paul and Percy are such a winning combination. Review and let me know if you guys have anything you want to see these to get themselves into! Also, check out my other story Demigod Diaries, there's only a few chapters left!**

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><p>"Percy, rise and shine! It's the first day of school!" I said, pulling back his curtains to let the light flood into his room. When he didn't respond to that, I pulled off his covers. He immediately pulled them back on.<p>

"No, I'm not going," he mumbled, turning over to face the wall. I sighed. Waking him up got more difficult every day.

"But Percy, don't you want to see all of your friends? It's been a year, I'm sure they'll be so excited to see you!" I said cheerfully, trying to pull the blanket off of him again.

"I don't have any friends at Goode." That's right. Probably not my best agreement and seeing as it's the only one that I had, things are not looking good.

"Why don't you want to go back to school? Is it because you got held back?" He shook his head.

"I just wasn't meant to go to school. And I especially can't go back after this summer. I don't belong with those people," he said. I groaned. This was going to require reinforcements.

.

After filling Sally in on the situation, I thought that she was going to march into Percy's room and demand that he go to school. Of course that didn't happen though. She just shrugged.

"Okay then, he doesn't have to go." I almost burst of few blood vessels.

"School is very important Sally! How is he going to get a job and have a successful life!" I spluttered. She gave me a dry look and sipped her tea.

"He's the son of a _god_, Paul. He's bound to be successful in life even if he doesn't go to school. Besides, it just doesn't seem right to send him to school after all he's been through. He deserves a break."

"I guess you're right. We can try this no school thing for a week and if he doesn't find something productive to do by then, we'll talk about him going back to school." Sally grinned.

"Deal. I have a feeling we won't be needing to discuss him going back to school, though. Percy is a very proactive boy."

.

After a few days of Percy being home, it became pretty obvious that he was going to need an outlet for all of his energy. He was bouncing off the walls and accidently breaking things, even after going on multiple runs a day. Sally didn't care though, she swept up every broken piece of china with a smile on her face, too happy to have her little boy home to care. I, on the other hand, while glad that Percy was home and alive, wasn't very happy about the damage. Especially when my to scale replica of the Globe Theater got smashed.

"Percy," I said, trying to keep my cool. Even my teacher patience was no match for a hyper active demigod. "We need to find a better outlet for your energy." He looked properly chastised, but quickly recovered, grinning from ear to ear.

"You're right! Hey, let's go swimming!" He said, grabbing my arm and pulling me out the door.

"Wait, I meant you, not me! And don't you need swim stuff?"

.

I hated the smell of chlorine with every bone in my body. Percy however, didn't as he was merrily swimming in the pool. I had to remind him a few times to keep it at a human pace, as sometimes he would go so fast he was just a blur, but even at his idea of a normal rate he could beat Michael Phelps. People were stopping to watch him and I was getting nervous. Mortals taking notice of Percy usually ended up in the cops being called. Just when I was about to tell Percy it was time to go, someone took a seat next to me on the bench.

"Do you know that kid?" The man asked causally. He looked like a coach, wearing a water resistant warm up suit, flip flops and a whistle around his neck. I grinned proudly.

"Yes, that's my step-son, Percy." The man nodded.

"He's very good. Does he swim professionally?"

"No, it's just a hobby." The man's eyebrows shot up to his head.

"He's very talented for a someone who just swims for fun. Do you mind if I ask him to show me a few things?" Oh God, what if this man is a pedophile. The man burst out laughing.

"Did I say that out loud? I am so sorry!" I said and he just shook it off.

"No worries, I did come off as a little creepy, I should have introduced myself. I'm Bob Bowman, an Olympic coach. I'd like to see if you're step son has what it takes to swim for Team U.S.A." And that's how Percy ended up becoming one of the most decorated Olympians in history, and I ended up being the best stepfather a demigod ever had. What? I deserve a little credit. It's been a long two years.


End file.
